So Long 2009, Hello 2010

in about 8 minutes it will be 2010! Where has this year gone?
2009 has hands down been the MOST awesome, stretching, difficult, sad, wonderful, stressful, humbling, calming, amazing years of my life. I believe that I have experienced every emotion possible at least once, and in most cases, many times throughout the Year. I wouldn't trade it for anything, though!
God has revealed himself to me more this year then ever before. I have never been closer to my Savior and Look forward to what He has instore for me in 2010.
The 2009 chapter of the Story has such intricate details, that I seriously would never in a million years be able to finish writing it all out. Ive not even fully processed it all, and here it is, almost over.
I chuckle to myself as i was thinking about everything. I think that if there is one thing that the Lord has accomplished/is accomplishing in my life this year, it would be that He has helped me to Hand HIM the Pen of my LIFE! And i say that HE has accomplished that because its only by His grace and strength that I could do it.

vanity, vanity, vanity

When i first got home from school, i decided to tackle our basement and clean it out...

mold and dust, bad combination, ive been sick since and i was only down there a day, only finished one area...


decided to try to take care of the kitchen today, pretty much only got the fridge cleaned out. there is just so much stuff.


Materialism is so dumb. we have so much stuff in this house. and none of it ever gets used. what is two ppl going to do with 20-30 bowls. 30 plates. a ton of pots and pans, 3 casserole dishes, multiple sets of silverware, cooking utensils, etc this is just in the kitchen...dont get me started on the rest of the house...

not to mention, there are enough candles to light every inch of the house for years!


how is it that so many things become so uselessly valuable to someone. I think there is a book in the Bible written about this kinda thing, by a pretty wise guy too. Ecclesiastes! what was that he said it all was....oh yeah! VANITY!
sorry folks, but there wont be a Uhaul following behind the hearse.

One Week Later

Its strange, in a way, to think back on this past semester and still be able to see and have confidence that the Lord was directing my steps towards Africa. Though at moments i feel as though I'm wrestling Satan on the thoughts invading, I have no doubt in my mind, that each step was taken prayerfully and that none were steps that i was not supposed to take. Tomorrow would be the day i would be leaving Africa to return from Cote d'Ivoire. Its been difficult at times to comprehend why i did not go, but i don't think it is something i will fully understand for awhile, and that's OK. that's what trust in the Lord means at times, trust even in uncertainty.
Since the beginning of this journey you have all been right there with me, not only praying for my part in the trip, but for the entire group and for the people of Cote d'Ivoire. Mr James and Mrs LaNelle, the Missionaries and leaders of the trip, were able to keep everyone updated through pictures and facebook status's thanks to the technology of their blackberry, this is the album on Facebook, i hope it lets you go to it. pictures say 1000 words right?!!
It was not me y'all were praying for, it was the people, the people in these photos. Your prayers were heard, your prayers are cherished and you can see it all in the eyes of the children and their families!

Now, as 2009 closes out, I am thankful for the Lord and for how He has been working in my life this entire year, Even in the last week :)

The Update

I want to first say that if it appears as though I sound bitter or upset, I assure you I am in no way bitter, but obviously Im human so to an extent Im slightly upset. These are the events of the day.
The day began at 6am. had some time with the Lord, ate a good breakfast and my dad wrestled with the snow and picked me up from Momma Shaw's house. I arrived at the airport at 9am after sliding around on 95. The snow fall we had yesterday, though beautiful, kinda messed up travel plans. All flights yesterday were cancelled as well as many today so the Airport was chaos. I first waited in a line at an outside checkin kiosk only to get to the front and be told i was in the wrong line. I was then sent inside to find the International Kiosk checkin where I was able to enter my info in and then have to wait for an agent to come, they were not in sight and super busy so after re-entering all my info for the 4th time with no assistance i resided to stand and be patient and wait till they were able to come. I was truly ok at this point, slightly irritated but mostly ok realizing that for me to get frustrated would do absolutely noone any good especially because everyone around me was freaking out enough.
When i finally got my bording pass i was sent to another line. the long line known as the bag drop line, the line i would later come to know as home for 4+ hours. remembering my dad was waiting to hear from me about finding an atm, i resolved that i needed to take care of that first so i did. when i got back from that i rejoined the line and there stayed for 4 hours.
comical moments of that line are 1. i had to use the restroom REALLY bad, so after 30 minutes of debating to leave the line or not I was able to convince the girl in front of me to leave watch my bags. 2. well...there is no no. 2.
about 2 hours into the line i decided to check the status of my flight on my cell phone which was when i discovered that the first of my flights was canceled. and after i got off the phone with an agent from the airline is when i sent out the mass texts for prayer. She had told me there was nothing else flying out of anywhere, (lets mark that the 1st time i heard that, by the end we will count them all up) and that there was nothing else she could do, my only chance was to remain in the line and talk to a clerk to see if i could get on standby somehow.
While i stood there the next 2+ hours, i prayed to myself, soaked in the encouraging texts i was recieving from everyone and tried to remain calm and collected. when i got to the clerk at last, she took my boarding pass, said "oh no" and then disappeared for 10 minutes. I kept praying, "Lord, this is in your hands, Help me to trust you, I trust you". then in an effort to not over focus, i decided to pray for others to get my mind off of what was going on cause i was starting to get slightly emotional. When the lady returned she said that she was going to call the reservations agent and then proceeded to hand me the phone and wait to speak with them. I remained silent as this all happened, nodding my head and breathing deeply was all i could do to maintain composure. I began to think to myself, "if you cant maintain composure then you will be admitting defeat, prove how you dont truly trust the Lord, and essentially not get anything accomplished". so i continued to pray, breath and wait.
the agent tried so hard to find a flight. she explored every option, even going through means of another airline. Nothing was open. the snow storm had cause an extreme backup on the standby's and the time of year made it so that all flights were booked to max. the next available flight out to africa would be December 26th, i wouldnt arrive in Africa til the evening of the 27th, and the morning 28th was when i would fly back home to arrive in America on the 29th.
i could no longer hold onto my emotions. i was spent and so i cried like a baby.
I could not grasp the situation, surely there has to be a way. I gave it one more try with the clerk and asked what she thought, her advice was to go back home and search around to see if i could find anything, and if i could not find anything to call in for a refund.
I regained composure and exited the airport feeling depleated and confused. I sat outside and called the airline again (k, that 3 times) to see if maybe i could do something else, maybe i had missed something. still, same answer, no flights.
I called my dad to come pick me up, and then i called Momma Cynthia to fill her in. I felt like a blob of goop, weak, and tried to speak clearly. (im really not dramatizing this, actually, im not even hitting it face falue, i was a mess). She had some encouraging words, all i could say was "I just dont understand". and she was right in her response, "well beck, im so sorry this has happened, but sometimes its not our place to understand and we may never, this could be God's protecting you..." (she said more, but i cant fully remember it all).
when i got off the phone i immediately received a text from Jason Pelt asking for an update, unable to type what was going on i just resolved to call. (sorry for the blubbery and sobs). after filling him in i kinda just sat there. [let me just interject that God has place truly amazing people in my life who are a true encouragement to my soul and for that i will be eternally grateful, Im truly Blessed]
Momma Cynthia called next to give some encouragement and make me laugh. I then decided i had some time and i was hungary so i went and got sushi. it was amazing!!! (really good, fresh sushi is found at the Reagan National Airport, second level...not expensive and completely amazing!)
after i had the sushi i had to find an outlet to charge my phone becasue its charge had been severely depleated from its extensive use with the calls, texts and facebook updates. Leah, my roomie, had texted me so again, not wanting to type it and not know how to type it i just called her. after i told her, we decided to switch subjects and she got me laughing a bit.
When my dad called i went and met him up at the top again and we headed home. Mr. James (missionary in Africa) called and i filled him in, we resolved to try to brainstorm some more about a plan of attack when i got back to stafford, i still didnt want to let this go. i was determined to explore all options. He gave me some encouraging words and after chatting with Jen (my friend from Michigan who arrived there early this morning with her brother) for about 2 seconds i kinda lost control of the emotions again and had to end the call.
swallowing the tears and changing subjects with my dad we talked about the snow :)
got back to stafford and he dropped me off at Momma Cythinia's where i have been since.
2 hours later, after trying everything i could, and talking and crying some more (im a girl, give me a break, i never used to cry this much over stuff...) i realized that this door was closing in every which way. my search ended rather comically with finding a flight with delta to abidjan that was only $10,000.00 and yes, i meant to type all those zeros. ten THOUSAND dollars.
that pretty much sealed it. haha
so, i emailed mr james and havent heard back from him yet, but its a 5 hour time difference, they are all in bed now.
while waiting for dinner i was just completely drained and in need of my Savior to hold me so i retreated to chat with the Lord for a bit. I wanted to read what Job's first response to his tragedy was. After tearing His clothes he said this "You give and take away, my heart will choose to say Blessed be Your name."
so i did all i could do, and i sang to my savior. "Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise, when the darkness closes in, Lord, still i will say, Blessed be the Name of the Lord, Blessed be your name. Blessed be the name of the Lord, Blessed be your Glorious Name".
Yall, trully, i cant see it right now. I cant see how He could or would Glorify His name is this this way. But i know He will be Glorified, i know this will bring Him glory somehow. I can't see how or why he would so clearly work in my heart since May, provide every step of the way and abundantly so and then close the door at the end. All i know is that i stepped out in faith and trust that His way is perfect and I believe with all my heart that His will, His plans are perfect and that He will be glorified in this. am i disappointed of the outcome, i would be lying i said wasn't, but that will pass. Has He left me in the dark? NO! NOT AT ALL! NEVER! He has stayed by my side this entire time.
Some of you may wonder what will happen with the money raised for the trip. Not fully decided. But, when i get the refund back from the airline, my off the top of my head idea is that it was donated for missions, for ministry. If any of you donated, i will be in contact with you soon, or you can email me at becky.castle@baptistcollege.edu You may recieve your donation back or elect to allow me to save it for another trip that i could go on in spring break maybe or over the summer or even next Christmas I could try this again, where ever the Lord may want me to go or you could choose for me to send the donation to the orphanage i was supposed to assist in this trip.
I thank you all for your prayers and for joining me along this journey. I pray that you are not discouraged by this. God's plans are perfect and this will not shake my faith, it will strengthen it. I pray that it will strengthen your faith as well.
I Love you all.

The Time Has Come

It's HERE!!!
Tomorrow is the day!!
Im beside myself with excitement and nervousness.
i have no words.
If you would like to know what to pray for:

1. Im nervous right now about my flights. about making them because of all the snow out there and the fact that its still coming down. and that im going to be doing all this alone, the whole international flying thing.
2. 20 hours in a plane and a few hours in an airport: words from Brandon Heath's song "Give me your eyes" come to mind often but more so when at the airport and on the plane. Please pray that i will not be so focused on the ministry im heading to that i miss the ministry infront of my face during those 20+ hours.
3. the ministry over in Abidjan and all we will be helping with and doing there.
4. James and Lanelle George, the missionaries we are helping, Mr James is the one that will be getting us from the airports and just for strength and rest for him as he will be just as exhausted as we will be.
5. Please pray with me that i will rest in the Lord and be emptied of myself so that i may be filled with Him, that it would be HIM that gets all the glory. from all that i say and do and that I would be sensitive to Him and His direction.

Back in Stafford!
after flying out friday night to Nashville on a 9 seated plane, going to an Andrew Peterson concert (totally unplanned, MAJOR perk!), and a 11 hour drive with Kristen and Michele (sorry again for getting us slightly off course that one time...) I am home!
i did a lot of laundry today and began the cleaning of the basement process, which is probably why i am so exhausted right now, that and because i only got like 4 hours of sleep last night...

FYI, i wish i could just throw EVERYTHING away!
anyone have a truck i can borrow?
anyone want a couple free couches, a twin bed, some kids sized jackets and snow suits, and A LOT of other stuff, like fabric, stained glass, tiles, blankets, beautiful quilts, nursing books, paint, a wooden ladder for a bunk bed...seriously, the list goes on and on and on...
where is the UHaul when you need it, and if anyone in stafford want to help, Come on over! i may be slightly out of my mind for doing this...but i know then end will justify it all!

change of plans

car is unrepairable at this current time so i will not be driving home in it...o well
found that out at 11am this morning after going to the auto parts store, so off i went back to graceville to find out what plan B could be.
and TA-DA!! after many phone calls and some price checking, the cheapest and easiest way to go home means that i get to spend some good ole Quality Time with the Amazing Michele and Kristen Marks!
a friend is going through Atlanta tomorrow and will be dropping me off at the airport where i will fly out to Nashville and then drive back to Stafford with the Marks girls.

So thats the plan, now i had to pack.
I had expected to be able to do some free laundry at home, plan change, so it was off to get quarters. 5 loads of laundry later and after making lists and cleaning and setting stuff out and making sure i have everything not only for going home but for Africa as well, i am packed and ready to go. i feel rather skilled if i do say so myself. i managed to pack summer and winter clothes and everything i need in one duffle bag and a backpack, this is a skill i attribute to my days with Global. You have trained me well old friend!

only thing i will miss about the plan to drive home myself is the part where i would get to spend time with my Brother Jimmy and Sis-in-law Sophia. ill have to somehow go see them though if i can. this week is probably going to be "Visit as many relatives as you can before you leave" week...
STILL SUPER EXCITED!! GOD IS STILL AMAZING AND FAITHFULL AND AWESOME as usual!

another semester closes out!

Had you asked me in High School what my future would hold for me, college would not have been on the radar. fast forward 4+ years and here i sit in my dorm room having completed my THIRD SEMESTER!!! and unfathomable dream coming true! I feel blessed at the privilege of being where God has me, all i can do is grin from ear to ear!!

Finals are OVER!!! AMEN!!! I was hoping to have straight A's for the first time in my life this semester, but alas, I have a B in Math, kinda bummed cause it was REALLY CLOSE to and A!! But im thankful for the grades i have and am so glad the semester of insanity has come to a close.
Spending the last few days here with my two best friends, one of which is my roomie, Leah, who is moving out :( its been a day of just us 3! Monday night we dragged Liz's bed into Leah and my room, one big continuous sleepover, less sleep but great times! cherishing every moment though so thats good :)

No more work this week, cleaning and packing are in store for tomorrow. i have to get my brakes fixed but ill hopefully be on the road by Friday. Ill be stopping in North Carolina at Fort Bragg to visit my Bro and Sis-in-Law! So excited to see them, havent seen them in a while so this is gonna be awesome!

Was reading today in Psalm 101. You should read it. some powerful stuff that is said simply, but after much thought i think you will find it to not be as simple as you might think it is.

And lastly for tonight, I leave for Africa a week from Sunday!!!! (yes, that means the day after the Pelt Christmas party! So excited, watchin some of my fav. kiddos and then the next day its PEACE OUT! gotta fly over the ocean! No biggie!!!) plenty of time to sleep will be had in one of my two 10hr flights. There is one person on the team that i know, we worked together this past summer, and it was weird, we ended up having basically the same dream on the same night and she called me this morning and we had a smidge of a freak out session at the thought that its coming up so soon!!!

so thats it for me. love you all and see you soon!!

Finals Week

One final today, 3 next monday and 2 next tuesday.
Camp Victory Teen Retreat this weekend.
My roommate moves out most of her stuff this Saturday :(
then after finals are done, we will hang out the rest of the week till we all go home for winter break.
Dont know if im getting a roommate for next semester or not. Im ok with not having one, but im also ok with having a new one. i should find out in January.
Crazy stressishness, not really, i should be stressed right now with everything that Ive got to do between now and next Tuesday, but im not. its great! well, i gotta go study
love you all, see you next Sunday at church, hopefully!

Oh, and BIG NEWS!!!! ALL the funds are provided now! not all is in the bank yet, gotta make that trip, tomorrow maybe? and the Plane ticket is bought, i will be flying out of Dulles on the 20th and will be making two stops, in Boston and in Belgium, before reaching Abidjan. Its the fo real deal! I should get my Visa and Maleria pills today too! Thank you for your prayers! God is so more the Amazing! He is so more then words could ever express. In chapel today, one of the songs we sang had the lyrics "Show me your heart, Show me your ways, Show me your glory" i had to smile because He has already shown Himself so much already! Though, I know i could never grow tired of seeing His glory shown. :)

And one last thing, please pray, there is an opportunity for a summer thing that i have an interview for tomorrow, which is kinda perfect since its before going back to Camp Victory for the weekend. Please pray that the Lord would direct this interview and that He would show me what im supposed to do. I really really want to be able to do this, but I dont FULLY know if God wants me too, havent got any red flags though.

K time to take my english final...peace

Happy Thanksgiving!

The day is finishing out as im curled up on the couch back at the dorm watching a Christmas movie. It was a great day. it began with the good ole Macey's Thanks giving Day Pararde. I remember that until i was in Highschool, my brother and i would camp out in the living room every night before Thanksgiving just so we can wake up exactly on time to watch the parade. When we were younger, my dad would make us breakfast and we would all watch the Parade together while my mom got ready for the day. Then mom would come out and start making the turkey or whatever side we were in charge of and we would head up to whichever family member's house happened to be hosting that year. The last couple years we have sorta lost that tradition, my dad and i would still watch some of the parade and i would usually be left in charge of making turkey dinner, Good memories.
Last year, i spent Thanksgiving with my friend Maria and her family in Baker County, Jacksonville, Florida. And this year, i had the awesome opportunity to join the Adam's family(Hannah's family). Hannah and Naethan were down from Stafford at her parents house, and it was an honor to be able to join their family today.
Great company, beautiful weather, and the most delicious food. (good ole southern cooking!!!)
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Update 11-21-2009

I may have found a plane ticket that is only $1800 vs the next cheepest being $2330. Please continue praying that the Lord will provide. I expect that airfare will go up after Thanksgiving so i am hoping and praying that the Lord will provide the remainder of the plane ticket before then. Im confident that whether the price goes up or not, the Lord will provide. but i like to ere on the side of cheaper, being a better steward of the Lord's money. However the Lord decides to Glorify is name is good to me.
This is becoming a reality, only God deserves to recieve the Glory from this.

Heartbeat.

A couple years ago, at a ski retreat with Student Impact actually, The IMB Journeymen were there. they handed out free CDs, posters of maps covered with dots of various colors, and magnets with country names and the words "I WILL GO, I WILL PRAY" and so on. I did not know then that these things would be used by the Lord just about 2 years later to truly speak something of His future plans for me. The CD was a CD of various Christian artists singing songs that were all focused around Missions, both foreign and local. Im not saying that I believe that the Lord is now calling me to pack up my things and go live alone in some other country, but im also not saying He isnt. Im simply saying that for right now, my heart is burdened for the people I will be serving this December.
I just want people to know His love. He has proven Himself faithful through the scriptures and personally. The question is no longer "Why would you want to go?" its "Why wouldn't you want to go?"
Sara Groves had a song on the CD, it was called Esther, I believe my roommate is sick of hearing me play that song. It was inspiring and as i searched for more songs by Sara, i came across one that she wrote after a trip she went on to Rwhanda. It captures what is so in my heart right now. even though ive not seen personally, somehow, i believe i still have and have no doubt that i will soon see first hand in this amazing opportunity coming up in December.

lil update on life

1. trying to plan a fundraiser or two real quick. i am trying to see if i can set up a table outside of Khols or some other store on black Friday, have a bake sale or something. dilema, noone will be here to help...and i dont know if i can do it by myself... im sure i could. i just am realizing how much i so appreciate the awesome support from my church family, its hard to plan from a dorm room, a fundraiser that will work in a short amount of time. especially with the limits set that we cant have on campus fundraisers for non school mission trips.

2. Looks like my roomie is taking a semester off next semester to really seek the Lord for His direction in choosing a major. Im really going to miss her. Im really happy for her though, im encouraged daily by her walk with the Lord and how i can see her growing closer to Him, but im super selfish and dont want to loose an awesome roommate and even better friend. Im praying that if God gives me another roomate, that they will be sane and that we will get along. Kinda also diggin the idea of not having a roommate, i just dont know if they would place someone in here or if they even need too...

3. Ive had an amazing weekend. God is so amazing and faithful. i wish i could go into detail but i cant, just know that divine appointments are amazing and that im really excited about where the Lord has me right now. He is the light of my life, and i hope that it is evident that He is shining in me through everything i do say and think. He is really showing me how He has brought me through what He has for a reason and its like, wow, "I went through that because this moment was going to happen". I like that. its refreshing!

4. alot of changes are happening. like school getting out soon for thanksgiving break and its all quite crazy. im excited for what is going on.

5. The Challenge with momma shaw is still on, and ive lost 4 pounds so far! im so excited. im only 6 pounds from my first mini goal. God has been so faithful in this quest for good health!

6. its tea season and im so excited!!! (AKA, hot cup of tea at night to calm the system is amazing!!!)

7. im determined to make it to ten things, this will be the new norm, the top ten of Updates from Becky's Life.

8. I just downloaded "Desiring God" by John Piper, FREE from ChristianAudio.com its the book of the month! Thanks Colby, i got "crazy love" back in August and have listened to it like 3 times! Im so excited about "Desiring God"! Reading books is something i enjoy, but dont have the time to much anymore, but i can listen to the books when im out walking so its awesome.

9. i was introduced to a new awesome speaker by the name of Paul Washer. youtube him. hes is phenominal! and im so excited becase there is this really awesome conference in April in Louisville, KY. (I know, far away, but i can dream) and there is gonna be some amazing speakers like John Piper and a whole crazy amount of them that will be there. i really really really would like to attend that if i can swing it. we will see, and then there is one in Birmingham December 2010 and its Beth Moore and this other lady, and Pricilla. Pricilla is the lady that our dorm Bible study has been studying with and we have been watching her series called "He Speaks to Me". SO GOOD!!!! we are trying to plan a possible trip to hear them speak.

10. last for the night, Looks like im residing in G-Ville over Thanksgiving Break for sure. Plans with Texas fell through and my car wont make it to south Florida so I can't visit my sis who will be in town, but i think this will be good. i am planning on finishing all the rest of my work for all my classes that is due before finals and study for finals and go on alot of walks and maybe read a book and chill out. Kill some mold in our bathrooms,(My RD is allergic to Bleach so we have to use our time wisely when she is gone or the most will cake, im gonna be fighting some mold, i forsee a victory on my part). It will be good. i know it will.

well, thats the update.

Christmas time!

So, who cares if its not even Thanksgiving Break! My roommate and I LOVE Christmas music and have been playing it all week!
We got a cold front that has come through and been here pretty much since Ida came through. And since my feet would get really cold in the room I had to pull out my uber comfy think socks that are, of course, Christmas socks! the BEST! this led to the Christmas music and then we watched Christmas movies last night and today after church. and are now listening to it again! I LOVE IT!
you can never have too much Cheery Christmas music and im so excited that my roommate agrees.

Just watch

Just watch. its only like 2 minutes. Well worth your time!

ahem...

I just want to say:
if you think that you want to set a girl up with someone...
A. dont tell the girl about it, not cool. Its not the girls place to initiate things.
B. If you want to tell the guy, then fine, tell him whatever. but leave it there.
C. Realize that its like a pink elephant in the room when the two meet because they know whats going on, and that makes it MORE awkward, hence nothing progresses from it!
D. by now you know im speaking in the third person, so just an FYI, i dont have time for guys, and im not initiating anything ever, so the guy better be in for the chase of His life cause im not giving in so easy either. He'll just have to be patient and content to pursue for awhile. :)

Oh BCF. how extremely ridiculous it can be sometimes to be at the Bridal College of Florida.
(And FYI, there is no guy right now)

URGENT PRAYER REQUEST!

a prayer for a girl in my dorm.
Last thursday she was told that Her mom only had about 2 years to live. then they did more tests, her mom has cancer in her stomach that is spreading and spreading fast. Her mom is not expected to live past THIS friday.
The girl's name is Valerie. I only know her mom as Mrs. Gallegos. Please pray for a miracle, and for Valerie and her family through this time. Valerie is a very strong person, her father passed away two years ago, and the Lord has really been her backbone. Please pray that she will cling to the Lord through this time. Please pray that the Lord will be ultimately Glorified in what is going on.
thanks yall.

Thanksgiving Plans=Change

WELL, i was supposed to go to Texas for Thanksgiving, but plans have changed and well, im in G-ville for Thanksgiving now.
There is a possiblity that I could go to see my Sister Kimmy who will be visiting with her Hubby at her Hubby's side of the family in Naples, but thats 9 hours away, dont know how the car will do on that trip so, not really a bad thing, i might just be stayin here for break. A little Jesus and me time, Good! He can share with me His plans for the summer then!
Which, FYI, could possibly be coming home for the summer. I dont know though. Im applying to like 6 different camps/other things, we shall see how it goes.

Went to a wedding this weekend, got to see the wonderful Michele Marks! Plus many other wonderful people from when i worked with Global. Pretty exciting, the Bride was Gorgeous, the Groom had a classicly awesome look on his face when he saw his bride walking down the aisle to him, the face of "Nothing else in this world matters right now cause im dilariously happy" look. Beautiful wedding! Congradulations Josh and Amy NEAL!!! AHH they are a Mr. and Mrs now!!

oh, and!!! I got bit by a dog this weekend. Friday, i arrived in Tally to a friends house who i was meeting so we could drive the rest of the way down to Orlando for the wedding. I had hugged everyone and went to hug her dad who was sitting on the couch, not noticing her evil tempermental dog that he was hiding in his lap, neck left wide open because of this, dog snapped and now i have a massive bandaid on my neck covering the nasty mark on my neck...twas deep, but didnt need stitches, or i didnt have time to see if it did so ey, what ev)

Random Panic Over

I dont know what it is, but rather all of a sudden i just got overtaken by worry.
I know the Lord will provide for this trip if it is His will that I go, which I truly believe it is because of how He has affirmed that so far. Just for some reason, Ive momentarily become overwelmed thinking that there could be a possibility that it wont happen.
I believe it is a mix of things, like my realistic-thinking friend who mentioned it to me (not that she was being mean, but she just tells it like it is, she still prays with me for the trip to be provided for, but she is just the type of person that likes to be prepared for all things, so making me aware of the possibity of it not happening is why she said it). It could also be the fact that I just looked up airfare again and the seats are filling on the planes...

Things I keep reminding myself of:

• God's Will, God's Bill
• the song "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord"
• the fact that i have thought all this out already, the outcomes of it happening and not happening, so why am i freaked out now? I have no reason to be
• Focus on School for now. Your brain cant handle focusing on everything else.
• From the Beginning of this, I have been saying that I am going to pray with CONFIDENCE that the Lord can and will show up! Satan's just yankin my chain!

FREAK OUT TIME IS OVER! for now. The Lord will provide for what is in His will. I will rest tonight in that.

Spring 2009

Registered for my classes. only taking 5 classes instead of 6. 6 is just way too much! since some of my classes this spring are 2hour credits, it makes the number of hours im taking look like nothing (13hours) compared to the 18hours im taking currently. Oh well, i know ill have my hands full with these five.
_________________________________________
2009-2010 Spring - All Divisions
Course
Title
Meets
EV 304 G
Evan Non-EV Grp
MW -1:30 PM - 2:20
HI 212 G
West Civ II
TR -11:30 - 12:50
LA 103 G
So Bapt Life/Wk
F -8:00 - 9:50 AM
PHI 101 G
Christ Wrldview
MWF -11:30 - 12:20
SP 201 G
Int Public Spk
TR -2:30 PM - 3:50
____________________________
Im excited about my evangelism class, its on evangelizing catholics and is my first missions related course so its like a double whammy of awesome!
Christian Worldview kinda freaks me out, but thats just cause the professor is infamous for giving the hardest tests on campus. the material should be good. i have a feeling that its all stuff that Colby had taught us in youth group.
I have difficulty keeping things in my brain. so im gonna be praying that these things that i will be learning will stay in my brain for longer then the testing time as they are pretty important subjects in relation to life after college!
the other three will be interesting. Speech is self explanatory, it reminds me of when Keilan had to take speech online and so we all had to be his audience. Now that i think about it, i dont remember ever actually having to be in the audience... Anyways, it should be an interesting class.
Western Civ. is well, i dont know what to expect. and Southern Baptist Life and Work is notorious for being a boring class. an entire class on being a baptist. but its required and im sure ill learn something....

Im hoping this will help me breath in relation to life. I dont know if I will ever do 18 hours again, maybe when i dont have to work at Valley anymore...who knows, for now, ill just stick with this.

SO EXCITED!!!

Its been a week since I sent out all my support letters for Africa and I was so encouraged to go to my mail box and see those envelopes in the lil box. my mailbox was stuffed!!!!

Ive decided to post a progress report of the support.
as of 11-3-09; $170 has been donated!

Plane ticket right now is at $2330 (cheapest i could find)
added to the trip expenses $500
Total needed $2830
Total Provided $170
Total still needed $2660

Thank you for sending your support if you have! its such a blessing! Please continue to pray!
We serve the God of miracles! Im excited to see how HE will provide!

love you all!

The Challege

Moma Cynthia has challenged me, and i will not back down from this one. I dont believe there is a prize for the winner, i think it will just be for the fun of the challenge.
First to lose 30lbs. WELL MOMA! YOUR ON!!!!!
i wonder how long it will take...?

Battery: Recharged

After all the crazy of Wednesday came the crazy of thursday, getting all my work from my teachers and packing along with the normal amount of crazy for a Thursday (classes, work, Prayer group). Thursday ended well in the company of my friends, just chatting and enjoying the night.
Friday came and it was off early in the AM to head to the airport. which was like 4 hours away in Jacksonville. Matt and Phillip drove me there in record time! Thanks guys!
i chilled in the airport waitin for the flight. anxious as ever! I couldnt believe i was going home! it had been January when i pulled out of Stafford last and I couldnt believe that i was going HOME! It was bitter sweet, bitter because of why i was going home, Sweet because it was such a blessing to see everyone and be home for a bit.
The week has definitely flown by.
My parents were surprised, everyone was surprised! Thanks again Pelt Family for keeping the secret and pickin me up at the Airport.
Heres just a lil rundown of the week.

• Friday: Arrived at Reagan National. Pelts picked me up, headed for a bite o dinner on the way home. Got home, mom was the only one there. chilled with her for a bit then mom and i went over to say hello to Ms Cynthia, saw Amie there too. Went to see Zach at the Firehouse. then came home and my dad arrived shortly after that.
• Saturday: Renewed Driver License. visited with the Steiners. got sushi!! chilled at home with dad. Zach came by for a bit too.
• Sunday: SURPRISE to STAFFORD BAPTIST!!! It was so AMAZING to be able to go to church. to see everyone. i am so blessed to have been able to see yall. went out to Lunch with my dad and then to Quantico for some good ole comissary grocery shopping. and to top it off, i got to go to the CWAC shindig and saw EVERYONE else i hadnt seen at stafford (pillar ppl). got to hold baby MoMo. AHHH i loved it! Major Awesomeness, let me tell you, nothing is as special and tugs the heart more then when 8 kids crowd around your car as you arrive adn then ATTACK you with smiles and hugs as soon as you get out of the car. I missed all of them so stinkin much!
• Monday: homework at the church. lunch with Moma Cynthia in Quantico, got to see Mr. Brown, missed Carrie and the kids :( . Dinner with Moma Cynthia, Brittany :), Phillip and Elisabeth! Good times! Elisabeth, it was SOO awesome to FINALLY meet you!! You are such a sweet person, Phillip is very Lucky!
• Tuesday: Crazy day! off to quantico i went, i had officially avoided the doctor long enough, hadnt been in years, had to have a physical to get the doc to sign off on the Yellow Fever shot. def. not planning on replaying that anytime soon. then got my first Conflict-Free Chocolate bar, lasted the week too! it was good. tried to clean some in the house, cleaned my bro's room. it was A MESS! made dinner for my dad. Off to TENFOLD! I love my tenfold ppl! God has really been blessing that ministry. so awesome to come back just a year later and see how much has happened!
• Wednesday: Off to Quantico again! yep thats four times in one week, and the week wasnt over! Had to get blood work cause of my kidney stones a couple years back. then went to lunch with Elleen while waiting to be able to get my Yellow Fever shot. Def got some sushi!! i have definitely stocked up on my sushi intake this week! After lunch it was back to Quantico. YELLOW FEVER SHOT time!!! Thanks for praying for me on that, GOD SHOWED UP!!! YEY!!! went home, raked the front yard. went to church. off to wings to go with Brittany, Bobby, Ben, and Peter Danaher. good times. then went to babysit, baby slept the WHOLE time! so i didnt do much but tried to do some homework. tried to leave there at 1am but got stuck in thier front yard. spent the next 45 minutes pushing me out. their yard got a little messed up(sorry Ms. Sue...). as i was spraying off the clumped on mudd from my car my dad came out (agian, its 1:45am). that was fun
• Thursday. No Quantico today. chilled at the house. Justin came into town, went out to lunch with him and Bobby and Ben at good ole Pancho Villa. let me just say, i find it comical that at home, i hang out with guys and not many girls, and its the complete opposite at school. granted, all the girls from home that i do hang out with normally are off at school... after Grack dropped me off at home i sprayed off the driveway from the mudd clumps that accumulated after i had sprayed off the car. then raked the leaves again and bagged all of them. just want to say, the yard is COVERED again! we have so many trees in our yard! after i raked, i made dinner for my dad, got ready and headed off to ECHO, the first time having it at the Coffee Shop. was also my first time there. It was great! and great conversation with moma Cynthia.
• Friday. Got up, dropped mom off at a school she was nurse subbing for. went to Quantico, i believe that makes the final tally 6 time in quantico, picked up the copy of my records so i can get a doctor down at Ft. Rucker. Stopped by the Marks house to drop off a movie and got to chat with Moma and Papa Marks. ive missed them too, it is so good to have Papa Marks home! then, change of plans, stopped by the Library to get books for a paper i have to write. off to get lunch at the house and head out to get my mom from work. read some in the parking lot waitin for her then after taking lucky on a walk i dropped mom off at Eagles Nest Trading Post, where she gets to be crafty and make stuff. off to The Pelts for dinner and a tour of the new house! both of which were phenominal. i love my time with the Pelts. Goodbyes are no fun.

It AMAZES me so much all the time how awesome the Lord is that even in a time of Loss, He grants peace the surpasses all understanding and how he has abundantly blessed me this week. Im returning to Florida tomorrow night after i go to the Memorial service with my dad for my aunt. This week has been so refreshing. Now i wait to see my brother one last time and i have some homework to finish before i return to school. As refreshing as this week was, i think im just about ready to go back to school. May the Chaos of Life continue!

Wednesday, October 21st, In Review

Warning, the blog is more like an online journal kinda deal. of what really goes on in my heart and mind at times. so, its kinda long...

Wednesday began like most others. Class was good. Chapel was good. I was studying as I walked for the midterm i was to have that afternoon. As usuall on Wednesdays, after chapel we return to the room and chill, do homework, or rest before going to Lunch and then to the rest of our classes. I was going to lay down and rest while studying but decided to get on Facebook (I needed to call my Grandma, she had just gotten home from surgery, and i didnt have her phone number so i was hopeing to get in touch with someone who had her number).
Zach was on so I began to chat with him, was kinda rushing so i just asked him for the number, he messaged back with something i was not expecting in a million years.
"Im on the phone with dad, aunt pam passed away this morning".
(i find these things out on facebook. i guess thats ok. at least i found out).
I was paralyzed. i just kept saying "O my word, O my word, O my word".
My roommate had no idea what was going on, i just kept repeating it. finally i said it out loud. Then my heart broke (Even not being so close to Pam, she was and is my aunt. my dad's sister. who my dad adored and cared for and tried to witness to. Knowing that he was crushed and I wasnt there to comfort him, it was just hard.) and i began to breath heavy as my brother told me my dad was almost crying on the phone with him. 1000 miles away is a hard place to be to comfort someone and my Daddy NEVER criesit was at that moment, and in the moments that followed when my dad called me after getting off the phone with my brother, that i just prayed that the Lord would provide a way to get home.
it was 11am when i found out. we were supposed to meet up in the lunch room at 11:3o. i just wanted to ignore it and thought i had cried it out for the most part already, so i decided it was ok to go to lunch.
Eyes still puffy + mind still raceing + those that love you asking if you are ok= uncontrollable tears
i didnt even finish ordering my sandwich before i had broken down crying in the Lunch room. People kept coming up to me, side hugging and saying words of comfort. I am thankful for them, but i dont like that kind of attention on me...its just...yeah. Liz came up to stand by me and comfort me. I told her i couldnt be in there, her and Leah sent me to the Dock and got my food and off i went.
I walked out of the back door into the most gorgeous summer/fall day we have had in awhile. How Ironic. How amazing. as I waited for Leah and Liz to join me, i finished crying (i dont liek to cry too long) and just sat there, prayed, soaked in the warmth of the sun.
Then the girls came out, and they really helped alot. they were quiet with me. they didnt pry, but allowed me to talk if i needed to. they helped me laugh.
Psalm 147:3 "He heals the brokenhearted, and bandages their wounds."
He bandaged the wounds caused that day, that very same day. as i sat and soaked in His warmth, and chatted and was able to laugh with Liz and Leah, He healed my heart. I am still praying that He will heal my dad's heart. My dad is very hard to read. it takes alot to know Him well enough to see through the mask he puts up when it comes to emotions.
The rest of that day is a blur. I couldnt fully focus in any of my other classes. my teacher gave me an extention on my midterm because seriously, yeah, that would not have been a pretty test. My mind was focused on prayer and thinking about how what i needed to do to be ready to leave. At that point, i didnt know how i was getting home. i just knew i was getting home. i mean, theres no questioning needed! Tragedy happens, you do whatever it takes to get there.
When the answer came, i rejected it at first. i didnt want to burden the wonderful ppl who were offering to pay to send me home.
but its kinda like that story where the guy prays to be saved from drowning but rejects the boat, helicopter and everything else saying "No thanks, God will save me". then surprised when he drowns and goes to heaven questioning God as to why he died. and God is like "I sent you a raft, a boat, and a helecopter and you rejected them all!".
So, after praying about it, and accepting the offer, the ticket was bought that night, seriously, at like 12am.
and it was time for me to have an end to an insane day. but a day that was bitter sweet. bitter because of the Loss. Sweet, because my sovereign savior was by my side ever moment of it.

SURPRISE!!!

Im home for the week, arrived last friday, most of you know this and have seen me. i leave on saturday night to head back to Florida. more info bout my time home to come, right now im off to rake some leaves!
Garmans, this is a blonde laughable moment, but i just about drove to the town house to bug you and say hello. then i remembered yall are in Iceland and i Laughed to myself. it was a moment.
Thank you Pelt familia! You all are awesome! thanks for keeping the secret and for pickin me up in DC! i want to see you again before i leave, and i wanna see that house!!!
love you all!

October 21 2009

If yall could please keep my family in your prayers. My dad specifically. My aunt Pam, His big sis, passed away this morning of pnemonia.
Please pray for the rest of the family, she was not a believer. which is really breaking my dad, plus the fact that she was his big sis.
Please keep an eye on my dad for me. I can't be there for him so i ask that yall love on him.

adult-ish-hood

i believe you reach this stage of life when you have successfully balanced your checkbook, and paid your bills, and then look at the digits in your bank account after all is said and done, and laugh at the lack there of of funds.
Money is a funny commodity. whoever thought of it was retarded.



and yet, the world revolves around it. there is something wrong with this picture.

Child-Slavery and Chocolate

I have to write a research paper this term on any topic of my choice. I chose to do mine on Cote d'Ivoire, West Africa. I figured, Im going there in December, i might as well know a little about where im going! Never in the world would I have expected to find out something so hideous about my own country.

As I began my research I was merely looking for general information. I knew of a Civil War that had occured there in 2002 so I began to see try to figure out why they had a Civil War and all the little updates on it since. I know of a group called the LRA, that is in Uganda, so I began to see if, because of the Civil War, there had been a group that arose from the Rebels that also participated in Child Abduction. The LRA (Lords' Resistance Army) abducts children 12 and under and turns them into soldiers, almost like robotic killing machines. I prayed that I wouldnt find such a group, and while I didnt find a rebel group that was turning children into soldiers, i did find something that i believe is just as bad.

Cote d'Ivoire is one of the worlds, if not the most prominent source of cocoa. Cocoa, if you didnt know, is what Coffee and Chocolate come from. There are farms everywhere in Cote d'Ivoire.
That is not the bad fact that im freaking out over, no, what im freaking out over is that most of these farms are being harvested and cared for by child slaves. did you catch that! CHILDREN!!! CHILDREN are being forced to work on these cocoa farms. Some are abducted, most are trafficed in from the surrounding countries, particularly from Mali.
I saw the pictures of how these CHILDREN are treated. if they are too weak to carry something then they are beaten, if they work too slow, they are beaten. and if they try to run away, thier fate is much worse.
Very seldom do they even try to escape because of fear, and if one does escape successfully, then they go to the authorities who do, thankfully, come in and arrest the farmer and free the Children. but that is something that will leave scars on those kids for life!
What is worse is that since this has been brought to the public eye very little has been done to fix it. to end the slavery for good. Ivorian officials are against it and do stop it when they can for the most part, but there are so many farms and not enough help to end it.
And even worse then that is that since it has been brought to the public eye, American companies have been found out that they are getting their Cocoa supply from these enslaved farms. AND HAVE DONE NOTHING TO STOP IT. they claim that they have no idea where they get their cocoa from and that its not their fault.
America! ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!!
HERE is one of the articles ive read so far.

"For the love of money is the root of all evil" (1 Timothy 6:10)

I was watching a documentary on this the other day, this breaks my heart. there is a quote from toward the end of the documentary from one of the teenage boys who was freed from the slavery when the farm he had worked was found out. He was asked, "The Cocoa goes into makeing chocolate, have you ever tasted this chocolate?" He replied, "No, none of us have ever tasted chocolate." then he was asked, "If you ever had the opportunity to talk with the people who eat the chocolate, what would you say to them". He answered "If I had to say something to them it would not be nice words. They enjoy something I suffered to make; I worked hard for them, but saw no benefit. They are eating my flesh."

needless to say, its only Conflict-FREE chocolate and coffee for me.

Africa Trip Update

I am sending out my support letters on Monday.
The Big thing is Prayer!! Please join me in Praying for this trip!

• Airfare is the big thing, airfare goes up everday and the cheapest so far is $2330. I know the Lord will provide, but I still ask that you would pray for this. The sooner i can purchase the ticket the better.
• Yellow Fever shot: Because my dad is retired military, i am able to receive free shots from the base clinics. This is great considering how expensive the shots are. I need the Yellow Fever shot to be able to go to Africa. Ft. Rucker is the nearest base. Because of the high demand and short supply of this shot, they give (for obvious reasons) active duty military first priority with the shots and they only offer the shot for every five people who sign up. so basically, the only way i could get the shot is if 4 active duty sign up for the shot and they have the extra spot, which i will gladly fill! So, please pray that this will be able to happen. I have to take the shot no later then 2 weeks before i leave for Africa.
• And on the subject of shots, I am going on Tuesday to get my Tetanus and the first of 3 Hep A/B shots, please pray that they dont make me sick as I have to work that night.

Some other prayer concerns:
· Please pray for the financial support of this trip.
· The Lord would be glorified in every aspect of this trip.
· For the children and families we will come in contact with, that they would come to desire a relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
· For our team as we prepare our hearts, so we may be effective vessels for the Lord. We must be decrease so that He can INCREASE!
· For safety while in Africa, both health and in all ways.
· For our team as we have to receive shots and raise funds, The Lord is our Provider and we pray this with confidence that He will provide everything we need.

Im Back On

Hey ya'll. the reason i was off blogging for a bit was because i needed to hear from the Lord without outside influence, i thought a month would be good, but God is so great! and im back on. see the five(i know, its alot) posts below this one if you would like to hear about all the Lord has been doing! its pretty much awesome!

The Promise Remains Tour Oct. 1st 2009

the biggest thing since I moved here occured last night. Todd Agnew, Building 429, and Kimber Rising came to BCF!!

the Concert was A-MAZ-ZA-ZING!!!!!!

I was able to take off of work so that i could help out with the merch tables. AHH SO AWESOME!! I know that Todd Agnew and Building 429 are pretty well known artists, but i want to encourage you to go look up Kimber Rising on the web, you tube or something. they are pretty much awesome! a new bad, only about a year old. These ladies have got SOUL!!! they are id say a mix of Out of Eden and ZoeGirl. and its phenomenal!

I was able to work at their merch table. and they shared with us what their band name is all about. Kimber is Old English for "Leader". Their ministry is based off the idea the Christ is the ultimate leader and of the importance and vision of Christ rising as leader of this Generation.

Building 429 was awesome! Todd Agnew is so good! i was slightly skeptical of Todd, but the songs he plays are amazing!

I was super sore today though, with a mix of dancing at the concert and then helping pack up and move stuff up and down stairs... yeah...twas crazy but twas awesome!

Ive decided that he best work out is any form of dancing, you get such a full body workout in such a fun way! im going to do some further research on this...

Buster

Friday September 25th, 2009
I met a new friend.

the night before when i had gotten off of work, I just got this brilliant desire to go on a walk in the morning while my roomie had prayer group. A walk that i had not gone on before. an area of about 4 1/2 miles. not too bad, basically circling around the entirety of Graceville (so yes, this does mean that Graceville is a town of about 4 1/2 miles...theres other roads, but the main road is the one i was on...)
Well, i got up, did my devo, got ready and headed out. I am a person that LOVES walks! I love being out in the outdoors! I love jamming to my iPod shuffle and enjoying the heat from the sun on my shoulders. its BEAUTIFUL!!
But this day was different. even though it was an UTERLY gorgeous morning. even though I was listening to possibly one of the best books Ive ever read/listened to, Crazy Love by Francis Chan(Thanks Colby, great reconmendation!!!). And even though I had been SO excited the night before...i dont know, i just wasnt feeling it. I had begun to debate whether to cut this trip short and turn down the next road to get back to campus, then i turned the corner and as this complete dread of being out there struck me, my mind reverted back to reality.
I began to try to process what i was thinking.
I didnt understand it. I had been so excited! i was listening to Francis Chan talking about how COMPLETELY AMAZING God is while walking around in this gorgeous morning in God's CREATION!!! There was something so wrong with this picture to me, and i became convicted. as i walked on, i began to pray. "God, this walk may not have begun focused on you, but here i am in your creation hearing about how amazing you are and so for the rest of this trip, Its yours to...."
and i didnt even finish my prayer before i met Buster.
Buster is a dog, and he crossed the street to meet me. The gentleman that was working in his yard tried to call him back home, and he went reluctantly only to return to me a few moments later. I tried to tell him that he had to go home, but he just wasn't having it. The gentleman had given up on trying to call him back to the yard, instead he had resorted to getting Buster's owner.
At first i debated on what i should do. Then, I cant explain my next thought with anything else but that it came from the Lord, but i walked Buster back to his yard as his owner was walking out. I walked up to Buster's owner, half shouting from where i was because buster was already running crazy around the yard. and well, the conversation went kinda like this:

Me: Sir i know im a COMPLETE stranger, but it is such a beautiful day and im out here just taking a walk, and well, if you wouldn't mind, i could walk your dog for you...?
Mr. Tim(Buster's Owner): uh, well, (face shocked sorta contempating) sure! do you go on walks alot cause you can walk him whenever you want to, just come on by and get his leash!

The rest is pretty much history, I introduced myself, he introduced himself, i got the dogs leash and Buster accompanied me on my walk. which included him wrapping around me several times, (he was a pretty sized pup. so i had to do this twirl motion to untangle us.) my ipod fell out of my ear at one point so with a water bottle in one hand, the leash in the other, i had to figure out how to put the earpieces back in and switch back to where i was in the book...(a task i never quite accomplished)...and, well it was a HOT morning. so at one point in the walk, Buster just kinda refused to go on. i had tuckered him out! so he sat right on down. i had to try to find him water, which i just led him over to a lil puddle thing...
I brought him on campus to meet some friends and let him rest and got him water before taking him back to his home.
It was an awesome day! so full of surprise!
i mean, it was one of those, "Man, God is SO AMAZING!!! Im forever surprised by Him!" kinda days. those days always excite me to no end.
I havent gotten to go back yet, but i most definitely will. the only time i really have to go on a walk though is either 6am any day or Friday at like 9am. I think I'll go back soon!

Cote d'Ivoire

Pronounced: COAT-dee-vwar

Americanized Name: Ivory Coast

Location: West Africa

I first heard mention of the trip last May. SO, I began to pray about going. "Lord, if this is your will, pleace make it abundantly clear to me!" that was my prayer over the summer and up until September 22nd when He made it ABUNDANTLY CLEAR. and keeps making it abundantly clear, that He is sending me to Cote d'Ivoire this December!!!

December 21st-31st I will be in Ivory Coast, West Africa giving Christmas gifts to orphans!! im so excited!

If you read the previous post called "12:30am" then you will know that there was a really big decision that i did not go into detail about, just sorta mentioned. well this is that decision.

It encompasses so many other decisions such as; how am I going to pay for next semester if i can't get a job over winter break? Can I handle being away from home for Christmas? It will take a miracle for this money to come together. Is this my will or God's will?

That night when the Lord brought clarity it was a beautiful thing! I know that God is the ultimate provider of everything! and He has shown me that it will be ok. that He has a plan, and im just kinda chillin here, watching the plan unfold. and its quite spectacular!

then the fun begins...

I called my parents and asked if they would be ok with me missing Christmas day. they were bummed but understood. and they felt much better about it when they found out that i am planing on being home the week before and the week after the trip. so im pretty stoked!

I feel so blessed for this opportunity and am praying with the faith and assurance that the Lord will show up and provide for every aspect of this trip!

The Joy

"Life may push my heart to the limit, But i wont let go of the Joy in my soul. Everything can change in a minute, and the world may try, but they're never gonna steal my Joy"

As i listened to that song last week, i realized that I had let the world steal my joy for a time. I had let my Joy in the Lord fade since coming back from camp. I can not pinpoint when it began, but slowly it had just kinda disappeared. it became a task for me to smile. how RIDICULOUS is that!!! I am a person that operates on Joy. that functions on Joy.

Think about it for a sec:

When you dont have the Joy of the Lord in your heart, in your life, in your soul, then everything about you and around you takes this pessimistic turn. Lacking Joy negatively affects everything in your life. It effects your attitude with people therefore effecting your witness. It effects your relationship with God which affects your attitude at work, with school work, with everything.

I wanted my Joy back so much because as i took a look at my life, i didnt like what i was seeing. i was beginning to focus way too much on me and my problems and my issues. NO BUENO!!!

Its definitely a process restoring joy, but i love it, I gave this all over to the Lord and He has truly been showing me so much its great! The joy of the Lord is the source of strength. I dont know if that is scripture. it may just be from 1st Opinions chapter 2 or something but i know for me, my source of strength is the Joy of the Lord.

12:30am

Its amazing how the Lord works in your life when you really don't think it will happen.

Before i begin speaking in riddles that confuse you more than is necessary let me just share with you what I'm talking about. I'm going to back up to about two weeks ago.

Tuesday night, September 22nd, 2009

I had been really struggling to hear the Lord's direction and know what is will was for a few things that have been going on, such as; Where to attend church, how i should take care of my license (long story, it just exprired...), and the biggie that I will share with you a little bit later.

I kept praying about it, asking other ppl about what I should do. But I just wanted to hear the Lord's opinion. I just wanted to know what His will was. And for weeks I just couldn't hear Him. I had no peace about anything.

(There is so much involved in whats been going on in my heart and life lately that this will definitely have to be a two or three part post. For now, I will focus on what the Lord showed me on September 22nd.)

I was laying in my bed, i had decided on the 16th that I needed to clear everything unnecessary out of my mind. So I took a month break off of going on facebook and from posting any blogs. I had realized that that was where I had begun to turn for encouragement and advice, which isnt bad, i just didnt want for it to become a habit. I needed to just hear the Lord, i needed to take my problems or concerns to Him, find my worth and encouragement from Him.

I continued to pray, and still nothing until Tuesday night(kinda wednesday morning, but it was still Tuesday to me). I was laying in bed trying to get to sleep. I was tired, i just couldnt get to sleep. My roommate tried to get me to do some sorta breathing exercise to get me to calm down cause i was semi hyper. that didnt work. I tried to just close my eyes and see if i would just fade off. but that didnt work either. My mind was racing, it was running through a bunch of stuff, and i didnt really know what i was thinking, i just knew that details were being put together. Then i realized that i should probably write this down so i got up and wrote down everything in my head. Figuring out all these little details and making sure i could get them out on paper so I wouldnt loose them.

I took a step back when I was finished and realized what had just happened. The Lord had figured out and shown me everything! All the answers that I had been searching for for weeks, everything i had been concerned about that I had given to the Lord. Everything that was just clouding my mind, God had just taken care of it!

man, can you say GOD IS GOOD!!

I then tried to go to bed again, thinking it was done, but my mind was then so excited, and my heart was still racing at what i had just experienced that i couldnt sleep and more ideas and things just kept flowing through my mind! it was the coolest thing! God was like, "Why are you in bed? Get up, i have so much more to show you!"

Ya'll, im so psyched!

I love that I serve a Lord who doesnt give up on me. I love that the God I love is so faithful even when we are at our lowest. PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME!!!!

Off for a couple weeks...

"What do you have to do to drift, NOTHING"
thats something the speaker today mentioned, and it got me thinking.
My heart feels as though it is drifting from the Lord. I do my devo's but there is no substance in them. I have been and am currently seeking direction on a few things in my life, but for some reason, i cant hear the Lord. i dont have his peace in any decisions, i dont know if there is something going on in my heart that i need to give over, i just know ive been praying, been seeking and nothing is happening, so im cutting everything out. Im gonna take a break from facebook, from the blog world, from everywhere that i have been turning to for advise because i just want to hear what the Lord thinks. i just want to hear his voice in my life directing my every move. so, i shall be back on in a month, if yall need to get ahold of me or have prayer concerns, please call or text me! [like when baby Moses comes, someone text me...? :) ]
love you all and cant wait to see some of you in December!

Direction

How i wish that the Lord was like mapquest.
that you could just type in your questions (the address). and click the button and there would pop out the directions for what to do next.
Im seeking direction from the Lord as to wether to stay at the church i am currently at or wether im to go to another church. dont get me wrong, i love the church im attending. i love the people, i love the kids and working with them when i do.
I dont know what to do. One minute i felt compelled to begin a bible study with the girls, certain that i was where the Lord wanted me, and then no joke, I just have no peace about being there anymore. I know that im needed where i am. I just dont know if it is where the Lord wants me anymore. and i dont know why that is. I dont know if it is because of me, or soemthing i need to fix within myself. I just wish the Lord with grant me some clarity.

I think im searching and asking a seeking Him with my whole heart, seeking for the answer with my whole heart. but i must not be to not know the answer right? what am i doing wrong?

This is not a storm, i dont think. but i do know that not knowing what the Lord is trying to say to me or if He is trying to say anything to me is driving me crazy.
For now ill keep taking it step by step. I dont have the heart to leave if i dont know why or where else im to go.

Sushi on the mind.

Im craving sushi. Spicy Tuna Roll sounds really good right now. (and yes, the Tuna would be raw...)
but alas, this is Graceville...so no sushi...

Secret Mission! Are You Game?

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is this:

Take a picture of my dad, preferably smiling. Why, you ask? Because i dont have one...I know sad. The one pic i have of my dad, he is squinting and being a goof ball, and im in the pic and well, its rather old, like 3-4 years old. So, if you have a pic of my dad, or could take one, that would be amazing! I miss my dad's face. his SMILING Face! and come to think of it, my mom too. the most recent pic i have of her was from 2 years ago when the twins were born...

Thought of the day!

Matt. 6:34
"Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble"

That's Biblical! AMEN!!!
NOT ONLY is that biblical, but its also so amazing, its also straight from the mouth of Jesus Christ.
I was listening to Andy Stanley last night and he made this comment about how he sometimes gets discouraged when after a sermon he finds a note slid under his office door basically stating what someone didn't like that had come STRAIGHT from the bible, and he was saying that the response he would like to give and does give at times to this complaint is this, "i promise i didn't make it up, I wouldn't make that up, i don't like it anymore then you do its just in there. and we think Jesus' word should be taken seriously because HE'S JESUS!!! and to go a step further, He did RISE from the DEAD!!! and so i think we should take him seriously!!!"
Just a bit of sarcasm from Mr. Stanley there.
I reference that for both comical and logical reasons. ya know, even in an encouraging passage like Matt 6:34, we still sometimes don't want to hear it, we still don't want to trust that its all going to be OK, that the step by step, moment by moment way of thinking would actually work. We want to hold onto our problems and not hand them over because we are foolish people. (i say we a lot, i should say I, in BIG BOLD LETTERS!!!) Sometimes i am so arrogant when it comes to my worries. I allow my pride to take control. I don't trust the Lord enough to hand Him 100% of everything. I sometimes don't want to believe that God would really care that much about me that He would actually want me to give him everything and that He would actually want me to not me anxious.
but you know what, HE IS JESUS!!! and HIS word is TRUTH! and as much as my selfish, pitiful self doesn't want to admit it at times, I need Him. and so here you go Lord! My Life is in your hands! Because YOUR JESUS!! and you ROSE FROM THE DEAD!!!
and that, my friends, is AWESOME!!!

Thinking ahead...

I know it is only September, but i am finding myself needing to think ahead for winter break and next summer. Just to get a rough plan.
I love doing camps, (and i need to devote more timeto praying about this) but im thinking that this summer is going to be one closer to home.
I could still do a camp, there is a sister camp of the camp i worked at this past summer that is located in Virginia, im going to apply there and see what happens, I am also going to call the elementary schools in and around Stafford to see if i can sit in on some of their classes at the end of the year and during summer school. Just some ideas to float around in the head. So the summer job search is officially underway!
so much fun!

Lessons from a Lemon

so the speaker in chapel today was amazing! he used an analogy of a lemon to living a Christlike life. He asked us "when you squeeze a lemon, what come out of the lemon?" we answered with "juice, seeds, etc" He was like, "well, kinda but not really. When you squeeze a lemon, what comes out of it is everything that is in it!" He said, "just as everything in the lemon comes out when it is squeezed, everything about you should reflect Christ, so when you, as a christian are 'squeezed', what comes out of you should completely flow from Christ."

i probably butchered his analogy, i was so taken by it that i couldnt write fast enough all he was saying cause i was still letting it sink in. how awesome though, is it that such awesome lessons can be learned from such small, seemingly meaningless objects!

918

thats the distance between here and home.
just thought that was an interesting fact.

its been a great Labor day weekend. 1/2 of me wishes i had just got in my car and drove home after work on friday, but i realize how absurd that would have been, even with the extended weekend. Im not as homesick as i was a week ago, i think it is because im not as stressed as i was, and im not focusing on itas much. but i love you all and miss you. this happens to be one of the moments that i am chilling and chilling means your brain just kinda has time to bring to mind all that you may be repressing.
But you know what, im so excited, cause December is getting closer. everyday it is closer and closer (i know, cliche, but im a silver lining person).

well, if yall could pray for my English Professor, she has alot of health stuff that is causing her to have to retire now, pray that she will heal and that my school would be able to find a replacement for her.

ok love you all, see you soon. just 3 1/2 short lil months.

ps: i cant wait to meet all your new babies!!!! and im trying to find a job for while im home, if anyone knows of anyone that needs help for December and a little bit of January, let me know! im up for anything! i can babysit, clean house, yard work, cook food, retail, office work, anything really...bring it on!
love yall!

random.

So i am sitting in the dayroom, chilling with camp buddies, one of which came from Louisianna to visit all of us that live this way.
Been a pretty chill Sunday.

9-2-09

so sad, Galations is only 6 chapters! its over too soon!!!!!
now to move on to another book of the bible. but what book? any suggestions?


update on life: The Lord is still guiding me through some things, but over all, my state of "depression" is for the most part gone.
What excites me most is that the ways that I would normally escape depression that wouldnt really help much are NOT what i turned to this time. God is showing me His victory in my life! and I just love seeing it happen. I dont say this out of arrogance, but out of Praise to the one who is delivering me!
The Lord is good! HIS mercy endures forever!

Zipline Adventure

I was in search of adventure. Adventure has a way of shaking me to hold on to God and let loose of stress. My adventure search led me to a friends house who so happens to be a genius who had built a zipline in his backyard. he assured me that i would be secure.

It was like walking the green mile as i crossed the yard to go to the ladder.

The Ladder climb was the most scary, oh and the letting go part. i am deathly afraid of heights and just so you know, it was REALLY high up!! I did not look down, i just got up the ladder as fast as i could, got hooked in (aka, i put my hands through some looped ropes and held onto the knots!! HAHAH i know! im crazy for trusting it!)and then let go. the zipline extended from one tree to another and as you get closer to the ground your supposed to semi stop yourself. haha, well, as i was stopping, i sorta tripped over my feet and slid on my knees in an effort to stop, i was going really fast, and one of the other guys had to help me stop completely before running into the tree that was in my path.

It was alot of fun, when i got unhooked, the people around asked how my experience on the zipline was. i believe i said something like "that was the most scary-amazing-crazy-awesome thing ever!" when asked if it was amazing enough to repeat, i just got kinda stone cold and smiled big, still shaking i replied "yes, i would do it again, but not right now" The guy that caught me said "she probably wants to feel her heartbeat again before she tries it again!", and he was so right!

I loved it, this happened 2 sundays ago. it was spectacular. before i went i had gotten so freaked out, it was wierd cause when we had talked about going down the zipline just a few days prior i was ALL for it! so excited and pumped. but in the moment when Liz came in to get me to go, i almost shut down with fear. Then i thought, why should i let fear control me. fear was not gonna keep me from meeting new people. fear was not gonna keep me from having adventures and enjoying life! It was a remarkable experience!

my semester thus far in picture form.

We had a skeet shootin' Pig Pickin' party. it was hosted by a family from a church in town.

Leah and I expressing how much we love our school!

Lo(my RD) and I, just being goofy

Five friends, doing the "Photoshoot-infront-of-the-sign" pics. we had been meaning to do this last year. never got around to it. it was fun.

Leah and Liz and I at target, I love these girls.

BEACH DAY!! this is the group of us that went to the beach one weekend

Liz and I, im so excited cause im going to Texas with her over thanksgiving break. its gonna be GREAT!!!!

The Beach is calling my name! I love it so!

And so begins my week.

Theres nothing like ignoring your problems to focus on someone elses to help you actually refocus on the Greatness of God through whatever you are going through.

haha, i just made no sense to anyone else but me. thats awesome!!!

Well, The week begins again. ready or not here i come! im off one day this week, which that very idea takes stress off me like NO JOKE! its great. sad that i miss three hours of work, but its truly a blessing in disguise.

On a happier note, i feel like a responsible adult, i got my oil changed and unclogged my sink this weekend (that was fun!). I can now add plumber to my resume.
and, supposedly my work forgot to pay me or never gave me one of my checks from back in December, so i got basically a double check this past pay period! i was psyched!! God is truly Jehovah Jirah, all the time! I have like 200-300 bucks left to pay for this term and car insurance for september and its like God was like "no worries becky, here you go. i got this taken care of!"
Its times like that that i KNOW that i KNOW that i KNOW that i am where i am because of the Lord, and not because of me. and that my friends is comforting.

side note.

let me preface this by saying, im not writing this for a pity, nor am i trying to pull a sympathy card, and im sorry if it seems as though im being negative or anything like that. I am writing this because i trust you. I am writing this because you are the support system that the Lord has blessed me with and i know you will pray for me if i ask this. I am just simply asking yall to pray for me right now.
I can't really explain what is going on in my heart right now, mostly cause im still trying to figure it out. but the Lord knows what it truly is. I feel depressed. my mind feels clouded. and i think im homesick.
Please dont worry about me. Please just pray for me. The absolute last thing i want to do is worry anyone. I will be fine. God will see me through it, as He has seen me through so much in my life.
I feel so ridiculous, and have been reluctant to write this for a bit. I wish i was stronger, i want to be stronger, I should be stronger, i have absolutly nothing to complain about or to cause me to be depressed, and im not completely sure that depressed is the correct term for this, its just heavy on my heart. I dont want to feel this way anymore. Ive taken and will continually take this to the Lord.
anywho.
love you all. Thank you.

STRETCH!!!

HAHA, I say that and it makes me laugh. STRETCH!!! it reminds me of aerobics class when the instructor goes "STRETCH! COME ON, just a little bit more!! You can do it!!"

why is this titled stretch. because i feel as though im stretching and being stretched. Not a bad thing, its how muscles grow and it will also be how i grow.
Be Flexible!
Be Flexible!
Be Flexible!
that is the 3 rules of ministry, and since your life is your ministry, then it is the 3 rules of life. (to an extent of course). if you are unable to follow my brain tangent here then just disreguard, im just trying to think things through.

For now, i feel as though im in a never ending aerobics class, and the instructor (God), is saying "Stretch!! Come on, just a little bit more, You can do it!!" and im still at the stage where im saying "Im stretching as much as i can! if i stretch anymore im going to break something".

ever feel that way?