Wednesday, October 21st, In Review

Warning, the blog is more like an online journal kinda deal. of what really goes on in my heart and mind at times. so, its kinda long...

Wednesday began like most others. Class was good. Chapel was good. I was studying as I walked for the midterm i was to have that afternoon. As usuall on Wednesdays, after chapel we return to the room and chill, do homework, or rest before going to Lunch and then to the rest of our classes. I was going to lay down and rest while studying but decided to get on Facebook (I needed to call my Grandma, she had just gotten home from surgery, and i didnt have her phone number so i was hopeing to get in touch with someone who had her number).
Zach was on so I began to chat with him, was kinda rushing so i just asked him for the number, he messaged back with something i was not expecting in a million years.
"Im on the phone with dad, aunt pam passed away this morning".
(i find these things out on facebook. i guess thats ok. at least i found out).
I was paralyzed. i just kept saying "O my word, O my word, O my word".
My roommate had no idea what was going on, i just kept repeating it. finally i said it out loud. Then my heart broke (Even not being so close to Pam, she was and is my aunt. my dad's sister. who my dad adored and cared for and tried to witness to. Knowing that he was crushed and I wasnt there to comfort him, it was just hard.) and i began to breath heavy as my brother told me my dad was almost crying on the phone with him. 1000 miles away is a hard place to be to comfort someone and my Daddy NEVER criesit was at that moment, and in the moments that followed when my dad called me after getting off the phone with my brother, that i just prayed that the Lord would provide a way to get home.
it was 11am when i found out. we were supposed to meet up in the lunch room at 11:3o. i just wanted to ignore it and thought i had cried it out for the most part already, so i decided it was ok to go to lunch.
Eyes still puffy + mind still raceing + those that love you asking if you are ok= uncontrollable tears
i didnt even finish ordering my sandwich before i had broken down crying in the Lunch room. People kept coming up to me, side hugging and saying words of comfort. I am thankful for them, but i dont like that kind of attention on me...its just...yeah. Liz came up to stand by me and comfort me. I told her i couldnt be in there, her and Leah sent me to the Dock and got my food and off i went.
I walked out of the back door into the most gorgeous summer/fall day we have had in awhile. How Ironic. How amazing. as I waited for Leah and Liz to join me, i finished crying (i dont liek to cry too long) and just sat there, prayed, soaked in the warmth of the sun.
Then the girls came out, and they really helped alot. they were quiet with me. they didnt pry, but allowed me to talk if i needed to. they helped me laugh.
Psalm 147:3 "He heals the brokenhearted, and bandages their wounds."
He bandaged the wounds caused that day, that very same day. as i sat and soaked in His warmth, and chatted and was able to laugh with Liz and Leah, He healed my heart. I am still praying that He will heal my dad's heart. My dad is very hard to read. it takes alot to know Him well enough to see through the mask he puts up when it comes to emotions.
The rest of that day is a blur. I couldnt fully focus in any of my other classes. my teacher gave me an extention on my midterm because seriously, yeah, that would not have been a pretty test. My mind was focused on prayer and thinking about how what i needed to do to be ready to leave. At that point, i didnt know how i was getting home. i just knew i was getting home. i mean, theres no questioning needed! Tragedy happens, you do whatever it takes to get there.
When the answer came, i rejected it at first. i didnt want to burden the wonderful ppl who were offering to pay to send me home.
but its kinda like that story where the guy prays to be saved from drowning but rejects the boat, helicopter and everything else saying "No thanks, God will save me". then surprised when he drowns and goes to heaven questioning God as to why he died. and God is like "I sent you a raft, a boat, and a helecopter and you rejected them all!".
So, after praying about it, and accepting the offer, the ticket was bought that night, seriously, at like 12am.
and it was time for me to have an end to an insane day. but a day that was bitter sweet. bitter because of the Loss. Sweet, because my sovereign savior was by my side ever moment of it.