"If only" will happen.

I look around and through my life. at what excites me most. what is that hobby or thing that the Lord has placed before me that i love and desire to do more then anything else.
BE OUTSIDE!!!
I love the outdoors. i love the smell, the sights, the sounds. i love walking in the woods or up a mountain side, camping, canoeing, crawl around in muddy caves. I desire to be able to rock climb, kayak for real, splunk without fear, run an entire mile without dying...
nothing excites me more then reading, seeing, or hearing about these things. and when i get to do them, its so beyond words! so amazing! the day that i can finally climb rocks and wiggle into the smallest of spaces will be a great day.
I currently feel so limited by so much and am trying to work on the day to day things. its so hard to see and not be able to do what your heart and soul really long to do.
Im praying that i will one day be no longer limited by my physical self, that i can finally enjoy God's beautiful creation to its absolute fullest. fearless of being a bother or hinderance or to big and not strong enough.
It will happen. the day will come.
I will be physically fit and healthy and able.
(i just wish i knew if i was actually doing this right...bcf should hire trainers, build a rockwall and install a pool pronto!)

Needing some Prayer Warriors

March 25th - April 3rd, 2010 I will be departing Graceville with a team of 6 others to Chavina, Peru.
This is a request for Prayer Support. I would like to ask for committed prayer partners who will keep this trip in your prayers as we prepare for, go to, minister in, and come back from Peru. Please reply to this post or email me at becky.castle@baptistcollege.edu

What to pray for:

• Prep for our team before, our focus to stay on the Lord and His plan as we minister to His people.
• That the Lord would continue His ancient work in Chavina in preparing the people there that we will be ministering to.
• The people of Chavina, this is a very dark place with little Christian influence and there is a considerable amount of spiritual warfare.
• What we will be doing in Chavina is reflected in what Paul did in Acts. As Paul would travel to a city, teach the gospel, train leaders, and start a church (not build), that’s what we are doing in Chavina through our association (Holmes Baptist Association).
• We will be being intentionally relational with the people, working and playing and talking with them in thier own cultural setting, sharing the Gospel with them in a way that they can recognize in their culture. Please pray for us to be able to step out of our comfort zones and just be used by the Lord, in whatever way that may be.
• We will be hosting Bible Studies for whomever would like to attend.
• We will be at an altitude of 11,000 feet. this change in altitude is known to cause headaches, breathing issues or fatigue. Please pray that the Lord would protect us from these or be our strength to press on through them.
• In prep for this trip, i really need to be physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally preparing. Please pray that the Lord would guide me through this. I need Him in my pray constantly showing me what to do, telling me what to say, i need Him closer then ever before. In my thoughts of Inadequacy, i know that 2 Cor. 12:9-10 are made even more real to me.

A couple funny points about the week:

• no hot water, we are gonna be a smelly group on the bus and plane ride back :)
• We will be flying into Lima, Peru and the following day we will be getting on a BUS and traveling the SIXTEEN HOUR bus ride to Chavina!

Im so excited! Walking, Mountains, Camping, Ministering to God's people! I mean for real! does this really ever get any better then this!!!

To God be the Glory and Praise!

Speedy General Update.

• Truth Project is going well. I'm learning a lot, need to be able to retain it.
• Major test this Friday in a class in which the professor is known for his KILLER tests...little bit freaked out.
• Had a meeting for Peru this past Friday, cant wait to share with y'all the details!
• doing a retreat at camp victory this weekend.
• Still have ABSOLUTELY no clarity on the summer. on any aspect of it. Its in God's hands and He hasn't really communicated with me much about it.
• went to Tallahassee this past weekend to try on bridesmaid dresses for a friends wedding i will be in this May. {Welcome to the Bridal College of Florida :)
• I officially am car less as of today and am completely OK with that. It was truly God's plan. its a done deal now.
• seriously praying about how to reduce my student Loan debt and stop having to use student loans all together. I don't want to have anything hinder me from serving the Lord.
• I'm at a stand still with this weight loss thing, please pray i will be able to find time to commit to working out. i havent gained anything, im just in a limbo state.
• I really want to be doctrinally sound. not completely sure how to go about this, what are the main doctrinal things i can begin to look at?

A Lil Lesson of recent times...

The Lord is Good.
Just in case you didnt know that.

He is challenging me in a different and extreme way right now. with my everyday life! (I know, such an extraordinary thought that the Lord would want every second of my life to Glorify Him!) Jeeze. haha
Truth is though, ITS TOUGH! I find my self becoming overwelmed with every challenge. Not because i dont want to change or i dont think He is deserving of my COMPLETE honor, but its simply because the task is daunting.
He has made me aware recently of the fact that whenever i am challenged in an area of my life, whenever the Lord is pressing me to change some area of my life, i have difficulty in what my immediate action is supposed to be. I become rash and, in a sense, "cold turkey" that part of my life. this becomes overwelming and i soon fall, give up, and am unable to see how i could ever really change.
At the root of this is doubt. not in my abilities, but in God's abilities. Its a lie that i now realize i have been believing. ive been replacing God, His truth, His true character, with this lie. God is the one who desires my heart, my all. and with my mouth I claim that I trust Him, but with my life, I profess that i distrust Him. how completely arrogant and hypocritical of me. The Lord is worthy of all my praise, the Lord is the only one in whom my trust can ever be placed with sincere security. And yet i spit in His face. how completely pathetic. it sickens me to think of it.

Im realizing that life is a process. If i look too far ahead, i will throw in the towel and give up because the sight of the journey is too much to bear. I wonder if the Lord ever wanted me to look at the journey in the first place, maybe these freak out moments are how He knows i will continue to need to cling to Him alone.
I think that for now, He just wants me to look at this moment. and this part of the path that He is illuminating. In honoring him today, in ACTIVELY trusting Him today, i will soon see the rest.

Putting this into action is difficult for two reasons, 1. 20 years of thinking and way of life isnt changed over night. 2. I feel as though there is alot that He is calling me to change, and because of that, i still feel slightly overwelmed. I am truly weak, and realizing that He doesnt want me to do this alone, that He wants me to give it to Him and ask him to guide me and show me whats next is what Blows My Mind!!! HE IS OUR STRENGTH. HE IS MY STRENGTH!!!!

I will hold onto the promise of Philipians 1:6. Please pray that He will be glorified by my every breath.