Off for a couple weeks...

"What do you have to do to drift, NOTHING"
thats something the speaker today mentioned, and it got me thinking.
My heart feels as though it is drifting from the Lord. I do my devo's but there is no substance in them. I have been and am currently seeking direction on a few things in my life, but for some reason, i cant hear the Lord. i dont have his peace in any decisions, i dont know if there is something going on in my heart that i need to give over, i just know ive been praying, been seeking and nothing is happening, so im cutting everything out. Im gonna take a break from facebook, from the blog world, from everywhere that i have been turning to for advise because i just want to hear what the Lord thinks. i just want to hear his voice in my life directing my every move. so, i shall be back on in a month, if yall need to get ahold of me or have prayer concerns, please call or text me! [like when baby Moses comes, someone text me...? :) ]
love you all and cant wait to see some of you in December!

Direction

How i wish that the Lord was like mapquest.
that you could just type in your questions (the address). and click the button and there would pop out the directions for what to do next.
Im seeking direction from the Lord as to wether to stay at the church i am currently at or wether im to go to another church. dont get me wrong, i love the church im attending. i love the people, i love the kids and working with them when i do.
I dont know what to do. One minute i felt compelled to begin a bible study with the girls, certain that i was where the Lord wanted me, and then no joke, I just have no peace about being there anymore. I know that im needed where i am. I just dont know if it is where the Lord wants me anymore. and i dont know why that is. I dont know if it is because of me, or soemthing i need to fix within myself. I just wish the Lord with grant me some clarity.

I think im searching and asking a seeking Him with my whole heart, seeking for the answer with my whole heart. but i must not be to not know the answer right? what am i doing wrong?

This is not a storm, i dont think. but i do know that not knowing what the Lord is trying to say to me or if He is trying to say anything to me is driving me crazy.
For now ill keep taking it step by step. I dont have the heart to leave if i dont know why or where else im to go.

Sushi on the mind.

Im craving sushi. Spicy Tuna Roll sounds really good right now. (and yes, the Tuna would be raw...)
but alas, this is Graceville...so no sushi...

Secret Mission! Are You Game?

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is this:

Take a picture of my dad, preferably smiling. Why, you ask? Because i dont have one...I know sad. The one pic i have of my dad, he is squinting and being a goof ball, and im in the pic and well, its rather old, like 3-4 years old. So, if you have a pic of my dad, or could take one, that would be amazing! I miss my dad's face. his SMILING Face! and come to think of it, my mom too. the most recent pic i have of her was from 2 years ago when the twins were born...

Thought of the day!

Matt. 6:34
"Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble"

That's Biblical! AMEN!!!
NOT ONLY is that biblical, but its also so amazing, its also straight from the mouth of Jesus Christ.
I was listening to Andy Stanley last night and he made this comment about how he sometimes gets discouraged when after a sermon he finds a note slid under his office door basically stating what someone didn't like that had come STRAIGHT from the bible, and he was saying that the response he would like to give and does give at times to this complaint is this, "i promise i didn't make it up, I wouldn't make that up, i don't like it anymore then you do its just in there. and we think Jesus' word should be taken seriously because HE'S JESUS!!! and to go a step further, He did RISE from the DEAD!!! and so i think we should take him seriously!!!"
Just a bit of sarcasm from Mr. Stanley there.
I reference that for both comical and logical reasons. ya know, even in an encouraging passage like Matt 6:34, we still sometimes don't want to hear it, we still don't want to trust that its all going to be OK, that the step by step, moment by moment way of thinking would actually work. We want to hold onto our problems and not hand them over because we are foolish people. (i say we a lot, i should say I, in BIG BOLD LETTERS!!!) Sometimes i am so arrogant when it comes to my worries. I allow my pride to take control. I don't trust the Lord enough to hand Him 100% of everything. I sometimes don't want to believe that God would really care that much about me that He would actually want me to give him everything and that He would actually want me to not me anxious.
but you know what, HE IS JESUS!!! and HIS word is TRUTH! and as much as my selfish, pitiful self doesn't want to admit it at times, I need Him. and so here you go Lord! My Life is in your hands! Because YOUR JESUS!! and you ROSE FROM THE DEAD!!!
and that, my friends, is AWESOME!!!

Thinking ahead...

I know it is only September, but i am finding myself needing to think ahead for winter break and next summer. Just to get a rough plan.
I love doing camps, (and i need to devote more timeto praying about this) but im thinking that this summer is going to be one closer to home.
I could still do a camp, there is a sister camp of the camp i worked at this past summer that is located in Virginia, im going to apply there and see what happens, I am also going to call the elementary schools in and around Stafford to see if i can sit in on some of their classes at the end of the year and during summer school. Just some ideas to float around in the head. So the summer job search is officially underway!
so much fun!

Lessons from a Lemon

so the speaker in chapel today was amazing! he used an analogy of a lemon to living a Christlike life. He asked us "when you squeeze a lemon, what come out of the lemon?" we answered with "juice, seeds, etc" He was like, "well, kinda but not really. When you squeeze a lemon, what comes out of it is everything that is in it!" He said, "just as everything in the lemon comes out when it is squeezed, everything about you should reflect Christ, so when you, as a christian are 'squeezed', what comes out of you should completely flow from Christ."

i probably butchered his analogy, i was so taken by it that i couldnt write fast enough all he was saying cause i was still letting it sink in. how awesome though, is it that such awesome lessons can be learned from such small, seemingly meaningless objects!

918

thats the distance between here and home.
just thought that was an interesting fact.

its been a great Labor day weekend. 1/2 of me wishes i had just got in my car and drove home after work on friday, but i realize how absurd that would have been, even with the extended weekend. Im not as homesick as i was a week ago, i think it is because im not as stressed as i was, and im not focusing on itas much. but i love you all and miss you. this happens to be one of the moments that i am chilling and chilling means your brain just kinda has time to bring to mind all that you may be repressing.
But you know what, im so excited, cause December is getting closer. everyday it is closer and closer (i know, cliche, but im a silver lining person).

well, if yall could pray for my English Professor, she has alot of health stuff that is causing her to have to retire now, pray that she will heal and that my school would be able to find a replacement for her.

ok love you all, see you soon. just 3 1/2 short lil months.

ps: i cant wait to meet all your new babies!!!! and im trying to find a job for while im home, if anyone knows of anyone that needs help for December and a little bit of January, let me know! im up for anything! i can babysit, clean house, yard work, cook food, retail, office work, anything really...bring it on!
love yall!

random.

So i am sitting in the dayroom, chilling with camp buddies, one of which came from Louisianna to visit all of us that live this way.
Been a pretty chill Sunday.

9-2-09

so sad, Galations is only 6 chapters! its over too soon!!!!!
now to move on to another book of the bible. but what book? any suggestions?


update on life: The Lord is still guiding me through some things, but over all, my state of "depression" is for the most part gone.
What excites me most is that the ways that I would normally escape depression that wouldnt really help much are NOT what i turned to this time. God is showing me His victory in my life! and I just love seeing it happen. I dont say this out of arrogance, but out of Praise to the one who is delivering me!
The Lord is good! HIS mercy endures forever!

Zipline Adventure

I was in search of adventure. Adventure has a way of shaking me to hold on to God and let loose of stress. My adventure search led me to a friends house who so happens to be a genius who had built a zipline in his backyard. he assured me that i would be secure.

It was like walking the green mile as i crossed the yard to go to the ladder.

The Ladder climb was the most scary, oh and the letting go part. i am deathly afraid of heights and just so you know, it was REALLY high up!! I did not look down, i just got up the ladder as fast as i could, got hooked in (aka, i put my hands through some looped ropes and held onto the knots!! HAHAH i know! im crazy for trusting it!)and then let go. the zipline extended from one tree to another and as you get closer to the ground your supposed to semi stop yourself. haha, well, as i was stopping, i sorta tripped over my feet and slid on my knees in an effort to stop, i was going really fast, and one of the other guys had to help me stop completely before running into the tree that was in my path.

It was alot of fun, when i got unhooked, the people around asked how my experience on the zipline was. i believe i said something like "that was the most scary-amazing-crazy-awesome thing ever!" when asked if it was amazing enough to repeat, i just got kinda stone cold and smiled big, still shaking i replied "yes, i would do it again, but not right now" The guy that caught me said "she probably wants to feel her heartbeat again before she tries it again!", and he was so right!

I loved it, this happened 2 sundays ago. it was spectacular. before i went i had gotten so freaked out, it was wierd cause when we had talked about going down the zipline just a few days prior i was ALL for it! so excited and pumped. but in the moment when Liz came in to get me to go, i almost shut down with fear. Then i thought, why should i let fear control me. fear was not gonna keep me from meeting new people. fear was not gonna keep me from having adventures and enjoying life! It was a remarkable experience!

my semester thus far in picture form.

We had a skeet shootin' Pig Pickin' party. it was hosted by a family from a church in town.

Leah and I expressing how much we love our school!

Lo(my RD) and I, just being goofy

Five friends, doing the "Photoshoot-infront-of-the-sign" pics. we had been meaning to do this last year. never got around to it. it was fun.

Leah and Liz and I at target, I love these girls.

BEACH DAY!! this is the group of us that went to the beach one weekend

Liz and I, im so excited cause im going to Texas with her over thanksgiving break. its gonna be GREAT!!!!

The Beach is calling my name! I love it so!