Graduation. It's close.
I'm not holding my breath any more.
I'm embracing the uncertainty certain the Lord will guide the way.
There is a plan, and it doesn't look like what is expected and it may not seem like much. But that is okay. Rushing leads to reaction. I want to know the steps I take are directed solely by the Lord. I'm operating on His timing and trying to put intentional thought and prayer to my steps, allowing Him to write the story instead of my old way of create the scheme and then have Him check it off. He isn't meant to just be a box checker.
He creates the material the box is made of, shapes it perfectly for the plans He has, and opens the box for us periodically just to see enough for each moment.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Thank You, Jesus
"My Lord is STRENGTH
& truth.
This, I've Learned
from the
time of youth.
But As I Age,
it is made clear
and I cherrish it
MORE & MORE
each year."
"There is not
but one thought
none of this
is all for not.
Christ hath seen
all my needs
and He is still
at work in me."
Words jotted at some point during this last semester, during the long days and moments when the threat or actual take over of doubt and despair weighed heavy on me. Graduation is in 5 days. The grace of my Savior, Jesus, still amazes me! I read these words, words written and hung on my calendar in that little space of my own, when in a moment of solitude in that room-thinking, reflecting, planning, breathing.
Despair says I doubt my Savior is near. It says I don't believe His love. It says my confidence has shifted from being sourced by Christ- the overflowing well, to self- the broken cistern.
SO in those moments, I would look at these words, think on His goodness, and HE would provide. O, but even that sentence seems conceded for it was not of me that my thoughts moved from despairing to seeing His face. THAT came from HIM and HIM alone. Because He lives in me. The Holy Spirit, the GOD MOST HIGH reminded me that...
Strength will RISE as we wait upon the Lord. He IS truth. He is STRENGTH. He is my Rock, Redeemer, the Restorer and is Real.
YHWH the Most High is He.
"All my unanswered questions DON'T change the WISDOM OF YOUR WILL." -Sovereign Grace Music
"The more I learn eucharisteo, Less likely I am to Israelite complain and more likely I am to lament, a cry that trusts His heart." -Ann VosKamp
Thank you, Jesus.
"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." (Colossians 3:1-4 ESV)
"But when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God, waiting from that time until his enemies should be made a footstool for his feet. For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified.
And the Holy Spirit also bears witness to us; for after saying,
“This is the covenant that I will make with them
after those days, declares the Lord:
I will put my laws on their hearts,
and write them on their minds,”
then he adds,
“I will remember their sins and their lawless deeds no more.”
Where there is forgiveness of these, there is no longer any offering for sin.
Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.
For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a fearful expectation of judgment, and a fury of fire that will consume the adversaries. Anyone who has set aside the law of Moses dies without mercy on the evidence of two or three witnesses. How much worse punishment, do you think, will be deserved by the one who has trampled underfoot the Son of God, and has profaned the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has outraged the Spirit of grace? For we know him who said, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay.” And again, “The Lord will judge his people.” It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.
But recall the former days when, after you were enlightened, you endured a hard struggle with sufferings, sometimes being publicly exposed to reproach and affliction, and sometimes being partners with those so treated. For you had compassion on those in prison, and you joyfully accepted the plundering of your property, since you knew that you yourselves had a better possession and an abiding one. Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. For,
“Yet a little while,
and the coming one will come and will not delay;
but my righteous one shall live by faith,
and if he shrinks back,
my soul has no pleasure in him.”
But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls." (Hebrews 10:12-39 ESV)
& truth.
This, I've Learned
from the
time of youth.
But As I Age,
it is made clear
and I cherrish it
MORE & MORE
each year."
"There is not
but one thought
none of this
is all for not.
Christ hath seen
all my needs
and He is still
at work in me."
Words jotted at some point during this last semester, during the long days and moments when the threat or actual take over of doubt and despair weighed heavy on me. Graduation is in 5 days. The grace of my Savior, Jesus, still amazes me! I read these words, words written and hung on my calendar in that little space of my own, when in a moment of solitude in that room-thinking, reflecting, planning, breathing.
Despair says I doubt my Savior is near. It says I don't believe His love. It says my confidence has shifted from being sourced by Christ- the overflowing well, to self- the broken cistern.
SO in those moments, I would look at these words, think on His goodness, and HE would provide. O, but even that sentence seems conceded for it was not of me that my thoughts moved from despairing to seeing His face. THAT came from HIM and HIM alone. Because He lives in me. The Holy Spirit, the GOD MOST HIGH reminded me that...
Strength will RISE as we wait upon the Lord. He IS truth. He is STRENGTH. He is my Rock, Redeemer, the Restorer and is Real.
YHWH the Most High is He.
"All my unanswered questions DON'T change the WISDOM OF YOUR WILL." -Sovereign Grace Music
"The more I learn eucharisteo, Less likely I am to Israelite complain and more likely I am to lament, a cry that trusts His heart." -Ann VosKamp
Thank you, Jesus.
"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." (Colossians 3:1-4 ESV)
"But when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God, waiting from that time until his enemies should be made a footstool for his feet. For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified.
And the Holy Spirit also bears witness to us; for after saying,
“This is the covenant that I will make with them
after those days, declares the Lord:
I will put my laws on their hearts,
and write them on their minds,”
then he adds,
“I will remember their sins and their lawless deeds no more.”
Where there is forgiveness of these, there is no longer any offering for sin.
Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.
For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a fearful expectation of judgment, and a fury of fire that will consume the adversaries. Anyone who has set aside the law of Moses dies without mercy on the evidence of two or three witnesses. How much worse punishment, do you think, will be deserved by the one who has trampled underfoot the Son of God, and has profaned the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has outraged the Spirit of grace? For we know him who said, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay.” And again, “The Lord will judge his people.” It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.
But recall the former days when, after you were enlightened, you endured a hard struggle with sufferings, sometimes being publicly exposed to reproach and affliction, and sometimes being partners with those so treated. For you had compassion on those in prison, and you joyfully accepted the plundering of your property, since you knew that you yourselves had a better possession and an abiding one. Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. For,
“Yet a little while,
and the coming one will come and will not delay;
but my righteous one shall live by faith,
and if he shrinks back,
my soul has no pleasure in him.”
But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls." (Hebrews 10:12-39 ESV)
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Holy Fountain, Consume Us With You
The title of this post may seem like a far-cry from this posting. However, the song was playing as I was posting and it seems to summate what the root need is of one who finds themselves in a "Peter-esque" moment as is described below:
Matthew 14:28-33
Peter. He walked on water. He took his eyes off Christ. He saw the wind and grew afraid. He sank. He cried out. Christ. Christ IMMEDIATELY reached out and pulled him from the water. Christ saved him from drowning. "o ye of little faith, why did you doubt?" I see the scene. As if I were there. As If I were Peter, on that boat. Seeing Christ, following his lead. Out of the boat. I step, have stepped. There has been success, some sinking moments. But here, now, I've heard the wind and fear has gripped. The waves whip around me and I struggle to tread and keep my chin above the water. He extends his hands of grace and I've grabbed. Still as a fight. A fight because I am ashamed. Because to face him and admit that I had doubt, that I took my eyes off of him is Humbling. And it seems I've forgotten he already knows. And he knew it would happen. And my grip is weak, but he holds firm and draws me in. And in his arms, now on the boat, drenched and wrapped in the blanket of truth in his arms, I heare his gentle reprimand and am crushed in spirit, but so grateful for his warm embrace and the grace he has extended.
And he speaks with gentle strength, "My child of little faith, fix your eyes on me, Jesus. It is for discipline you have to endure, for I love you. It is for your good, that you may share my holiness. I know it seems painful for now, but it will yield the peaceful fruit of righteousness as you are trained by it. The testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And if you let steadfastness of its full effect you will lack nothing. Oh child, I know you. Your struggles, desires, joys, sorrows. I see your faults and iniquity and love u despite those things. I have given my life in your place that you may share in the eternal inheritance. That you may have salvation. Do not despise my grace. Cling to me. I feel you shake in my arms. I am your strength. I am hearing your heart and soul cry. I am the one who satisfies all in all. Bless my name, with all your soul. Whatever it takes, know I am here. And child, I am the only one worthy of your worship and devotion. Turn your eyes away from worthless idols. Praise me. Worship me. Trust me. Depend in me. Do not doubt me. Know I am for you. I am your hope. I am your rock. I am your all. The breath you breathe, it comes from me. Blessed beloved child, I love you. Noone will ever snatch you from me. Seek me. Repent. Trust me for the change. Ready yourself to be obedient. Trust me for the things you do not understand, ask for wisdom and understanding it I will provide sufficiently."
What more is there for me to do in a moment like this but to be in awe of my redeemer.
Matthew 14:28-33
Peter. He walked on water. He took his eyes off Christ. He saw the wind and grew afraid. He sank. He cried out. Christ. Christ IMMEDIATELY reached out and pulled him from the water. Christ saved him from drowning. "o ye of little faith, why did you doubt?" I see the scene. As if I were there. As If I were Peter, on that boat. Seeing Christ, following his lead. Out of the boat. I step, have stepped. There has been success, some sinking moments. But here, now, I've heard the wind and fear has gripped. The waves whip around me and I struggle to tread and keep my chin above the water. He extends his hands of grace and I've grabbed. Still as a fight. A fight because I am ashamed. Because to face him and admit that I had doubt, that I took my eyes off of him is Humbling. And it seems I've forgotten he already knows. And he knew it would happen. And my grip is weak, but he holds firm and draws me in. And in his arms, now on the boat, drenched and wrapped in the blanket of truth in his arms, I heare his gentle reprimand and am crushed in spirit, but so grateful for his warm embrace and the grace he has extended.
And he speaks with gentle strength, "My child of little faith, fix your eyes on me, Jesus. It is for discipline you have to endure, for I love you. It is for your good, that you may share my holiness. I know it seems painful for now, but it will yield the peaceful fruit of righteousness as you are trained by it. The testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And if you let steadfastness of its full effect you will lack nothing. Oh child, I know you. Your struggles, desires, joys, sorrows. I see your faults and iniquity and love u despite those things. I have given my life in your place that you may share in the eternal inheritance. That you may have salvation. Do not despise my grace. Cling to me. I feel you shake in my arms. I am your strength. I am hearing your heart and soul cry. I am the one who satisfies all in all. Bless my name, with all your soul. Whatever it takes, know I am here. And child, I am the only one worthy of your worship and devotion. Turn your eyes away from worthless idols. Praise me. Worship me. Trust me. Depend in me. Do not doubt me. Know I am for you. I am your hope. I am your rock. I am your all. The breath you breathe, it comes from me. Blessed beloved child, I love you. Noone will ever snatch you from me. Seek me. Repent. Trust me for the change. Ready yourself to be obedient. Trust me for the things you do not understand, ask for wisdom and understanding it I will provide sufficiently."
What more is there for me to do in a moment like this but to be in awe of my redeemer.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
The Wounds of Prayer: How We are to Respond
I am sure these thoughts are not so original (since there is nothing new under the sun), and a great span of time has happened between when the Lord ministered on earth until now, I am sure these are not new thoughts. But pause for a moment with me, and think about this. Prayer. Prayer is an essential part of the believer's life. It's communication with the Lord of Lords, the King of Kings, our SAVIOR. Prayer humbles, prayer allows us to see God moving in our lives and in the lives of others. Prayer is our lifeline and Prayer, well, it is not always easy.
The deeper and more intimate your prayers for others become, the more your whole being is engaged in another's spiritual battle. Have you ever thought of it like that?
And now, ponder for a minute this concept of a "battle." Battles are not easy. I mean, it's a battle! Old school or new, swords or bullets, the intensity remains. In this battle, the opponents are Flesh vs. Spirit. So therefore, our weapons in this battle are not of flesh and blood.
"For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:3-5 ESV).
Did you catch that? Our weapon in the battle I am refering to (the battle of Flesh vs. Spirit), be it in your own battle, or as one on the frontlines of those your prayers are for, is the Word of God. "For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." (Hebrews 4:12 ESV)
And, face the facts: in battle, there will be wounds. So, recognize that we cannot retreat when hurt, we must allow the Word of God to not only be our weapon of victory, but also- it is our healing agent for when the wounds of the battle are cutting deep.
And when the battle plan is unknown to us (the soldiers), we must look to our commander of all (Christ Jesus). We must trust that his guidance and leadership is for good and not harm, and He has a purpose in mind which is greater than ourselves. It's for the freeing of the captives, and the resucing of orphans; for the aid of widows and the provision of the poor and needy; the healing of the wounded and the humbling of the proud. It's all for His Glory, alone. So, Christian. Don't hold back or neglect prayer. Even when frustrated, or confused. Humble yourself before the Lord, read His word, and realize- its for a pupose that transcends you and what you see in the moment. So do not cease to pray for your lost loved ones, even when it looks as if nothing is changing. Do not cease praying for your brother or sister in Christ, or for healing or provision, even when the solution seems impossible. If the Lord has brought to your mind or attention something that is need of prayer, then do it! PRAY, soldier! do not retreat from the battle. Soli Deo Gloria.
The deeper and more intimate your prayers for others become, the more your whole being is engaged in another's spiritual battle. Have you ever thought of it like that?
And now, ponder for a minute this concept of a "battle." Battles are not easy. I mean, it's a battle! Old school or new, swords or bullets, the intensity remains. In this battle, the opponents are Flesh vs. Spirit. So therefore, our weapons in this battle are not of flesh and blood.
"For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:3-5 ESV).
Did you catch that? Our weapon in the battle I am refering to (the battle of Flesh vs. Spirit), be it in your own battle, or as one on the frontlines of those your prayers are for, is the Word of God. "For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." (Hebrews 4:12 ESV)
And, face the facts: in battle, there will be wounds. So, recognize that we cannot retreat when hurt, we must allow the Word of God to not only be our weapon of victory, but also- it is our healing agent for when the wounds of the battle are cutting deep.
And when the battle plan is unknown to us (the soldiers), we must look to our commander of all (Christ Jesus). We must trust that his guidance and leadership is for good and not harm, and He has a purpose in mind which is greater than ourselves. It's for the freeing of the captives, and the resucing of orphans; for the aid of widows and the provision of the poor and needy; the healing of the wounded and the humbling of the proud. It's all for His Glory, alone. So, Christian. Don't hold back or neglect prayer. Even when frustrated, or confused. Humble yourself before the Lord, read His word, and realize- its for a pupose that transcends you and what you see in the moment. So do not cease to pray for your lost loved ones, even when it looks as if nothing is changing. Do not cease praying for your brother or sister in Christ, or for healing or provision, even when the solution seems impossible. If the Lord has brought to your mind or attention something that is need of prayer, then do it! PRAY, soldier! do not retreat from the battle. Soli Deo Gloria.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Cause the Saints of Old can say it better-->True vs. False Friendship
Words of Wisdom Worthy of Notice:
From "Introduction to the Devout Life" By: St. Francis de Sales
The Difference Between True and False Friendship
"Take notice, my child, that the honey of Heraclyum, which is so poisonous, altogether resembles that which is wholesome, and there is great danger of mistaking one for the other, or of mixing them, for the virtue of one would not counteract the harmfulness of the other. We must be on our guard not to be deceived in making friendships, especially between persons of the opposite sexes, for not unfrequently Satan deludes those who love one another. They may begin with a virtuous affection, but if discretion be lacking, frivolity will creep in, and then sensuality, till their love becomes carnal: even in spiritual love there is a danger if people are not on the watch, although it is not so easy to be deluded therein, inasmuch as the very purity and transparency of spiritual affection show Satan's stains more promptly. Consequently, when he seeks to interpose, he does it stealthily, and strives to insinuate impurity almost imperceptibly.
You may distinguish between worldly friendship and that which is good and holy, just as one distinguishes that poisonous honey from what is good--it is sweeter to the taste than ordinary honey, owing to the aconite infused;-- and so worldly friendship is profuse in honeyed words, passionate endearments, commendations of beauty and sensual charms, while true friendship speaks a simple honest language, lauding nought save the Grace of God, its one only foundation. That strange honey causes giddiness; and so false friendship upsets the mind, makes its victim to totter in the ways of purity and devotion, inducing affected, mincing looks, sensual caresses, inordinate sighings, petty complaints of not being loved, slight but questionable familiarities, gallantries, embraces, and the like, which are sure precursors of evil; whereas true friendship is modest and straightforward in every glance, loving and pure in caresses, has no sighs save for Heaven, no complaints save that God is not loved sufficiently. That honey confuses the sight, and worldly friendship confuses the judgment, so that men think themselves right while doing evil, and assume their excuses and pretexts to be valid reasoning. They fear the light and love darkness; but true friendship is clear-sighted, and hides nothing--rather seeks to be seen of good men. Lastly, this poisonous honey leaves an exceeding bitter taste behind; and so false friendship turns to evil desires, upbraidings, slander, deceit, sorrow, confusion and jealousies, too often ending in downright sin; but pure friendship is always the same--modest, courteous and loving--knowing no change save an increasingly pure and perfect union, a type of the blessed friendships of Heaven.
When young people indulge in looks, words or actions which they would not like to be seen by their parents, husbands or confessors, it is a sure sign that they are damaging their conscience and their honour. Our Lady was troubledwhen the Angel appeared to her in human form, because she was alone, and he spoke to her with flattering although heavenly words. O Saviour of the world, if purity itself fears an Angel in human shape, how much more need that our impurity should fear men, although they take the likeness of an Angel, if they speak words of earthliness and sensuality!"
From "Introduction to the Devout Life" By: St. Francis de Sales
The Difference Between True and False Friendship
"Take notice, my child, that the honey of Heraclyum, which is so poisonous, altogether resembles that which is wholesome, and there is great danger of mistaking one for the other, or of mixing them, for the virtue of one would not counteract the harmfulness of the other. We must be on our guard not to be deceived in making friendships, especially between persons of the opposite sexes, for not unfrequently Satan deludes those who love one another. They may begin with a virtuous affection, but if discretion be lacking, frivolity will creep in, and then sensuality, till their love becomes carnal: even in spiritual love there is a danger if people are not on the watch, although it is not so easy to be deluded therein, inasmuch as the very purity and transparency of spiritual affection show Satan's stains more promptly. Consequently, when he seeks to interpose, he does it stealthily, and strives to insinuate impurity almost imperceptibly.
You may distinguish between worldly friendship and that which is good and holy, just as one distinguishes that poisonous honey from what is good--it is sweeter to the taste than ordinary honey, owing to the aconite infused;-- and so worldly friendship is profuse in honeyed words, passionate endearments, commendations of beauty and sensual charms, while true friendship speaks a simple honest language, lauding nought save the Grace of God, its one only foundation. That strange honey causes giddiness; and so false friendship upsets the mind, makes its victim to totter in the ways of purity and devotion, inducing affected, mincing looks, sensual caresses, inordinate sighings, petty complaints of not being loved, slight but questionable familiarities, gallantries, embraces, and the like, which are sure precursors of evil; whereas true friendship is modest and straightforward in every glance, loving and pure in caresses, has no sighs save for Heaven, no complaints save that God is not loved sufficiently. That honey confuses the sight, and worldly friendship confuses the judgment, so that men think themselves right while doing evil, and assume their excuses and pretexts to be valid reasoning. They fear the light and love darkness; but true friendship is clear-sighted, and hides nothing--rather seeks to be seen of good men. Lastly, this poisonous honey leaves an exceeding bitter taste behind; and so false friendship turns to evil desires, upbraidings, slander, deceit, sorrow, confusion and jealousies, too often ending in downright sin; but pure friendship is always the same--modest, courteous and loving--knowing no change save an increasingly pure and perfect union, a type of the blessed friendships of Heaven.
When young people indulge in looks, words or actions which they would not like to be seen by their parents, husbands or confessors, it is a sure sign that they are damaging their conscience and their honour. Our Lady was troubledwhen the Angel appeared to her in human form, because she was alone, and he spoke to her with flattering although heavenly words. O Saviour of the world, if purity itself fears an Angel in human shape, how much more need that our impurity should fear men, although they take the likeness of an Angel, if they speak words of earthliness and sensuality!"
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
...Can I Be Free of This Unreleasable Sin?
Completely haphazardly, as I was exploring the contents of my External Hardrive (which I recommend for anyone who does not have one of these to get one! They save so much space for your computer to run smoother and to keep your documents safe!), I came across this journal entry/freestyle poem I wrote last year...
______________________________
February 23, 2011
During this time, I was in a serious point of what I have formerly liked to refer to as my "quest for health," but have since realized is the process of learning how to CRAVE God, not food. And I was apparently not in a very rosy season of the process.
Getting healthy, losing weight... these are things that have deeper roots than mere pounds to shed or inches to lose.
At the core of this process is a battle. It is one of flesh versus Spirit. A battle to turn to the Lord for comfort, for everything, instead of food. In fact, a book I recently came across, written by Lysa TerKeurst, sums it up just in its title: Made To Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desires with God Not Food. This journal entry above is the raw guts which flowed from one of many heart to heart moments with the Lord from throughout this journey.
As I read through these words, I am reminded of Romans 7, and of Pauls own battle of flesh and Spirit. His will vs. God's will.
"For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate."
(Romans 7:15 ESV)
Ok, GREAT! He relates, now what?
Well, as you continue reading in Romans 7...
"For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out." (Romans 7:18 ESV)
We can see from this that we, ourselves do not have the ability to do what is right, truly. Read of the sweet victory, and in whom that sweet victory is solely found in...
"So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin."
(Romans 7:21-25 ESV)
and (at risk of losing any semblance of maturity), a song from long ago in my "Punk/Pop Rock" days still flows through my mind in moments of doubt, as if to be a reminder to "...never underestimate my Jesus. You're telling me that there's no hope, I'm telling you you're wrong. never underestimate my Jesus, when the world around you crumbles He will be strong." (Relient K)
So, if you can identify with Paul and I with this tension of flesh vs. Spirit...if it has ever dragged you down, beaten you up, left you for dead, discouraged, etc. Be encouraged! You are not alone. and Praise Jesus for the VICTORY He has ALREADY accomplished on our behalf!
Take one more look at that last verse with me. "So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind..." If we are to serve the law of God with our minds, then we will recognize the importance of renewing our minds (Romans 12:1-2) and also see how this is done by "taking every thought captive to obey Christ." (2 Cor. 10:5) (More on this in a future post, so stay tuned...) BUT Bluntly stated---> To serve the law of God with our minds we have to know the law of God.
So. CLAIM the Victory we ALREADY have in Christ, and get to reading HIS WORD!!! Just practically, start with one or 2 verses that can be your "fighter verse."
I'll close this with one last statement, this one is by Piper, may it serve to remind you of our adversary, the devil, and swiftly direct you to the only "force" Satan cannot reckon with. God's Word.
"Memorizing Scripture allows me to hit the devil in the face, with a force he cannot resist to protect myself and my family from his assaults. What are you hitting him with?! He is millions of times stronger than you! And he hates you! And your family, and your marriage, and this church and God. How anyone walks through this devil-ruled world without a sword in their hand is beyond me."
______________________________
February 23, 2011
"Because
I've known no other self,
should
this refrain me from moving forward?
what if
this forward motion would change everything?
should i
pursue such uncertainty?
is it fear
that holds me from going forward?
is it fear
that has glued me to this mark?
Is it a
lack of determination?
Is it
laziness?
how can i
rise above?
Can i
break out of this never ending cycle?
What holds
me back?
What is it
within that limits me like a rubber band,
able to stretch and
grow only to snap right back to what it was before,"
______________________________During this time, I was in a serious point of what I have formerly liked to refer to as my "quest for health," but have since realized is the process of learning how to CRAVE God, not food. And I was apparently not in a very rosy season of the process.
Getting healthy, losing weight... these are things that have deeper roots than mere pounds to shed or inches to lose.
At the core of this process is a battle. It is one of flesh versus Spirit. A battle to turn to the Lord for comfort, for everything, instead of food. In fact, a book I recently came across, written by Lysa TerKeurst, sums it up just in its title: Made To Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desires with God Not Food. This journal entry above is the raw guts which flowed from one of many heart to heart moments with the Lord from throughout this journey.
As I read through these words, I am reminded of Romans 7, and of Pauls own battle of flesh and Spirit. His will vs. God's will.
"For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate."
(Romans 7:15 ESV)
Ok, GREAT! He relates, now what?
Well, as you continue reading in Romans 7...
"For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out." (Romans 7:18 ESV)
We can see from this that we, ourselves do not have the ability to do what is right, truly. Read of the sweet victory, and in whom that sweet victory is solely found in...
"So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin."
(Romans 7:21-25 ESV)
and (at risk of losing any semblance of maturity), a song from long ago in my "Punk/Pop Rock" days still flows through my mind in moments of doubt, as if to be a reminder to "...never underestimate my Jesus. You're telling me that there's no hope, I'm telling you you're wrong. never underestimate my Jesus, when the world around you crumbles He will be strong." (Relient K)
So, if you can identify with Paul and I with this tension of flesh vs. Spirit...if it has ever dragged you down, beaten you up, left you for dead, discouraged, etc. Be encouraged! You are not alone. and Praise Jesus for the VICTORY He has ALREADY accomplished on our behalf!
Take one more look at that last verse with me. "So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind..." If we are to serve the law of God with our minds, then we will recognize the importance of renewing our minds (Romans 12:1-2) and also see how this is done by "taking every thought captive to obey Christ." (2 Cor. 10:5) (More on this in a future post, so stay tuned...) BUT Bluntly stated---> To serve the law of God with our minds we have to know the law of God.
So. CLAIM the Victory we ALREADY have in Christ, and get to reading HIS WORD!!! Just practically, start with one or 2 verses that can be your "fighter verse."
I'll close this with one last statement, this one is by Piper, may it serve to remind you of our adversary, the devil, and swiftly direct you to the only "force" Satan cannot reckon with. God's Word.
"Memorizing Scripture allows me to hit the devil in the face, with a force he cannot resist to protect myself and my family from his assaults. What are you hitting him with?! He is millions of times stronger than you! And he hates you! And your family, and your marriage, and this church and God. How anyone walks through this devil-ruled world without a sword in their hand is beyond me."
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Why I NO LONGER participate in Yoga: more to follow
As I was reading through the past entries of my journals, and of this very blog from as much as a year ago, I came across something that I wish to clarify on and now state my stance as to why I NO LONGER participate in Yoga. There was a time, in this quest to become healthy and to honor God with my body, that I would do Yoga as a means to stretch, "refocus," "relax" and "breathe." I fooled myself, for a time, thinking that I could somehow be able to separate the roots of Yoga from the practice of Yoga. Please allow me the time briefly explain how separating Yoga from its Hindu roots is not possible.
I do wish to come back on here and really go in depth on the reasons that I have ceased to participate in "Yoga." Know that this is being written by one who has lived it, and quite frankly, knows that this may not be taken well by those who read. but for now, this must suffice in order to no longer allow time to retrain me from at least sharing with you the conclusion I have come to and what I believe the Lord has shown in His word.
The conclusion is this:
Yoga is rooted in Hinduistic beliefs. Each pose was created to be a form of worship to the gods of Hinduism. I am a Christian. I believe that the Bible is the inerrant word of God, I believe in the existence of ONE Triune God. Worship and honor and glory belongs to God alone. There is no way to separate the roots of Yoga from this animistic-polytheistic belief system, therefore to say that I am a Christian (believing there is only ONE God who deserves all glory, honor, praise and worship) and practice in anything that is rooted in worshiping and idolizing anything contrary to what Scripture says, I would be a liar and with my actions, I would be claiming my God to be a liar. God is NOT a liar.
It is impossible to be a Christian and participate in Yoga without grieving the Spirit in the process. As part of the work Christ does in our life in revealing His truth to us by His grace is the transformation that takes place through the "renewing of our minds" (Romans 12:1-2). Don't be ignorant to the effect your actions have on how you display Christ. Learn from my mistakes, be informed- seek the Lord in prayer, read scripture, heed conviction and warnings, seek godly council, repent and do not be the cause of the Spirit's grief.
For more information, check out these articles:
"Should Christians Practice Yoga?" By Jeremy Butler
"Should Christians Do Yoga?" By Laura J. Bagby
I leave you with this quote to consider:
"The Only Thing Necessary For Evil to Triumph is for Good Men to do Nothing" -- Edmund Burke
I do wish to come back on here and really go in depth on the reasons that I have ceased to participate in "Yoga." Know that this is being written by one who has lived it, and quite frankly, knows that this may not be taken well by those who read. but for now, this must suffice in order to no longer allow time to retrain me from at least sharing with you the conclusion I have come to and what I believe the Lord has shown in His word.
The conclusion is this:
Yoga is rooted in Hinduistic beliefs. Each pose was created to be a form of worship to the gods of Hinduism. I am a Christian. I believe that the Bible is the inerrant word of God, I believe in the existence of ONE Triune God. Worship and honor and glory belongs to God alone. There is no way to separate the roots of Yoga from this animistic-polytheistic belief system, therefore to say that I am a Christian (believing there is only ONE God who deserves all glory, honor, praise and worship) and practice in anything that is rooted in worshiping and idolizing anything contrary to what Scripture says, I would be a liar and with my actions, I would be claiming my God to be a liar. God is NOT a liar.
"“Romans 12:1-2 says we are to offer our bodies as a living sacrifice to God,” added Laurette. “Here they are doing something very similar with these postures to their 330 million gods, and it is scary. So we abstain from things offered to idols—Acts 15:29.”" (Bagby)
It is impossible to be a Christian and participate in Yoga without grieving the Spirit in the process. As part of the work Christ does in our life in revealing His truth to us by His grace is the transformation that takes place through the "renewing of our minds" (Romans 12:1-2). Don't be ignorant to the effect your actions have on how you display Christ. Learn from my mistakes, be informed- seek the Lord in prayer, read scripture, heed conviction and warnings, seek godly council, repent and do not be the cause of the Spirit's grief.
For more information, check out these articles:
"Should Christians Practice Yoga?" By Jeremy Butler
"Should Christians Do Yoga?" By Laura J. Bagby
I leave you with this quote to consider:
"The Only Thing Necessary For Evil to Triumph is for Good Men to do Nothing" -- Edmund Burke
Monday, April 2, 2012
Entry 2: Tamed
Gentle and Meek
that is what i hope to one day be.
no longer wild
like a bronco
filled with energy that spreads as chaos around me.
but instead- my energized being will be
channeled and tamed for a purpose.
For HIS PURPOSE.
which Christ has called me to.
NOT driven by my flesh and its desires.
YES, gentle and meek in spirit are skills I long to acquire.
that is what i hope to one day be.
no longer wild
like a bronco
filled with energy that spreads as chaos around me.
but instead- my energized being will be
channeled and tamed for a purpose.
For HIS PURPOSE.
which Christ has called me to.
NOT driven by my flesh and its desires.
YES, gentle and meek in spirit are skills I long to acquire.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Musings of Recent Days
There are moments in my life where the Lord pops an idea, a connection or illustration involving the things around me to the thoughts in my head. He so graciously shows me beautiful connections, visuals involving His creation or the various things that I encounter in life and grants me deeper understanding of a life lesson through the illustration that He has played out before me. Many times, I am simply left in awe of the picture. tears or giggles result. Words can sometimes never seem to to truly express what it is that I have just been shown. But, there are times when it becomes more than a fleeting thought or hapless memory and He provides the words to lock in the beauty of how He is teaching me.
I then have 2 choices: I can keep these things to myself (call it selfish-hoarding His guidance for myself as it if were only ever meant for solely me; or call it humility-which is not truly humility because though it may mean I do not have confidence in my own writings, I still have not recognized that it was not of myself that I was even able to write them) OR I can share them with others, and pray that the Lord would use them as HE sees fit in His will to do (maybe to give comfort, to challenge others, to encourage others, or as an example of what NOT to DO/How NOT to be...)
So, upon approaching this crossroad, I have decided this: Any words that the Lord enables me to compile into some semblance of sense to relate what He is teaching and showing me through illustrations or in anyway that could connect or make sense to another individual and possibly aid in their better understanding of the Lord and how He moves in our lives, I will post.
(And that was a really LONG run-on sentence...my English professor would be flabbergasted)
Here is Entry 1. It has no name as of yet, feel free to suggest one :)
Night sounds and this seemingly endless cloud.
Your thoughts are MUCH HIGHER THAN OURS, Lord.
and it seems as though i cannot even wrap my mind around.
these times, when the full strand of images and words and
pieces of the puzzle remain in a pile.
that has been dumped.
from a box.
which contains a picture that i just can.not.see.CLEARLY!
I search for the edges,
try to find the frame
BUT its like i have no aim.
The picture, in pieces before me is so unclear
that i can't even see.
the IMPRESSIONIST.
who takes some color and spreads it out,
claiming to know exactly what HE wishes to convey.
BUT with my face nose-to-nose with the mix of
RED and PURPLE, BLUE and GREEN,
I just can't seem to see what the artist has seen.
and now this picture,
this image,
this vision,
it's in pieces before me.
Leaving me to wonder about what I cannot see.
(copyright: BC 2012)
I then have 2 choices: I can keep these things to myself (call it selfish-hoarding His guidance for myself as it if were only ever meant for solely me; or call it humility-which is not truly humility because though it may mean I do not have confidence in my own writings, I still have not recognized that it was not of myself that I was even able to write them) OR I can share them with others, and pray that the Lord would use them as HE sees fit in His will to do (maybe to give comfort, to challenge others, to encourage others, or as an example of what NOT to DO/How NOT to be...)
So, upon approaching this crossroad, I have decided this: Any words that the Lord enables me to compile into some semblance of sense to relate what He is teaching and showing me through illustrations or in anyway that could connect or make sense to another individual and possibly aid in their better understanding of the Lord and how He moves in our lives, I will post.
(And that was a really LONG run-on sentence...my English professor would be flabbergasted)
Here is Entry 1. It has no name as of yet, feel free to suggest one :)
Night sounds and this seemingly endless cloud.
Your thoughts are MUCH HIGHER THAN OURS, Lord.
and it seems as though i cannot even wrap my mind around.
these times, when the full strand of images and words and
pieces of the puzzle remain in a pile.
that has been dumped.
from a box.
which contains a picture that i just can.not.see.CLEARLY!
I search for the edges,
try to find the frame
BUT its like i have no aim.
The picture, in pieces before me is so unclear
that i can't even see.
the IMPRESSIONIST.
who takes some color and spreads it out,
claiming to know exactly what HE wishes to convey.
BUT with my face nose-to-nose with the mix of
RED and PURPLE, BLUE and GREEN,
I just can't seem to see what the artist has seen.
and now this picture,
this image,
this vision,
it's in pieces before me.
Leaving me to wonder about what I cannot see.
(copyright: BC 2012)
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
ThirtyOneWall
Because the fact stands that I have greatly neglected this blog, I highly doubt anyone still reads what I have to say. I am ok with that. If, however, there are those who have been on the edge of their seat for months waiting for the next post then you may notice there is a change. I have changed the site title to "thirtyonewall" from its original "bigtoechic" title.
there are a few reasons and here they are:
there are a few reasons and here they are:
- There is a level of maturity that seemed to me to be lacking in the previous title.
- "ThirtyOne" represents Proverbs 31, the example and image of what a Godly woman looks like, the kind of woman I seek to glean from and model my life after.
- "Wall" is a reference to the woman mentioned in Song of Soloman 8:8-9. The woman who is like a wall shall be fortified with a battlement of silver, referencing that she is not loose or vulnerable to manipulation (wolves in sheeps clothing) or danger because she is guarded and has set her boundries, holding firmly to them. yet another goal of mine, I pray the Lord would teach me, mold me, stretch me, grow me, and shape me more and more with each day to be the woman He has called me to be. That I may bring Him honor and glory and also that I may honor my future husband in all my days, even now.
These are the musings of a young woman learning more each day about Biblical Womanhood. I am unsure of what will continue to fill this blog, or how often I will post. I hope that, if there are readers, you would be able to learn from what I am learning and share on here your journey as well.
What is lost (and I Hope to Never Find!)
Here is an update:
Today, I weigh in at 178lbs. I have managed to maintain around this weight through the chaos and stress of finals and winter break. This is God's faithfulness and mercy and grace revealed. He alone is the reason I have been able to lose 82#'s.
{"lose," "lost," "am loosing," these terms are connected in relation to weight. I believe I do not intend to "find" these #'s again, so "shed," "remove," "rid self of," These are terms that seem to say it so much better. :) }
Today, I weigh in at 178lbs. I have managed to maintain around this weight through the chaos and stress of finals and winter break. This is God's faithfulness and mercy and grace revealed. He alone is the reason I have been able to lose 82#'s.
{"lose," "lost," "am loosing," these terms are connected in relation to weight. I believe I do not intend to "find" these #'s again, so "shed," "remove," "rid self of," These are terms that seem to say it so much better. :) }
The Knots of Life
Here marks 6 days before my last regular semester of BCF starts. I am sitting in my RD suite, typing away in the empty time pondering. Pondering? Can I really call it "pondering" if there is not a set subject on my mind?
I feel as though I have mentally been in a cloud since the completion of the Fall Semester and now a new semester begins.
My thoughts are as a knot. Tangled and taught, and I am unsure of where to begin in order to successfully untangle the bunch. God has been working, moving, visibly active in my life over this time. In my desire to not neglect full comprehension of the lessons to learn I believe I have managed to build the knot even more. Day to day, I am taught more, shown more, love more... and I've yet to unpack what has been displayed before me to this point. In fear of doing a disservice to these lessons so they were not in vain, I have done just that. It is time to unpack, unravel, and delve into it all!
For tomorrow I will complete the welcoming of new girls to Napier, nine in total for this semester. And the remainder of Napier will be here by Sunday. The semester will begin, more days will pass, more lessons will daily be added to the knot and the opportunities to use what the Lord has been showing and teaching me will pass.
I cannot let this pass.
I look forward to reminising on each way God's faithfullness, soveriegnty, grace, love, mercy, justice, etc. have been displayed.
I feel as though I have mentally been in a cloud since the completion of the Fall Semester and now a new semester begins.
My thoughts are as a knot. Tangled and taught, and I am unsure of where to begin in order to successfully untangle the bunch. God has been working, moving, visibly active in my life over this time. In my desire to not neglect full comprehension of the lessons to learn I believe I have managed to build the knot even more. Day to day, I am taught more, shown more, love more... and I've yet to unpack what has been displayed before me to this point. In fear of doing a disservice to these lessons so they were not in vain, I have done just that. It is time to unpack, unravel, and delve into it all!
For tomorrow I will complete the welcoming of new girls to Napier, nine in total for this semester. And the remainder of Napier will be here by Sunday. The semester will begin, more days will pass, more lessons will daily be added to the knot and the opportunities to use what the Lord has been showing and teaching me will pass.
I cannot let this pass.
I look forward to reminising on each way God's faithfullness, soveriegnty, grace, love, mercy, justice, etc. have been displayed.
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