The Update

I want to first say that if it appears as though I sound bitter or upset, I assure you I am in no way bitter, but obviously Im human so to an extent Im slightly upset. These are the events of the day.
The day began at 6am. had some time with the Lord, ate a good breakfast and my dad wrestled with the snow and picked me up from Momma Shaw's house. I arrived at the airport at 9am after sliding around on 95. The snow fall we had yesterday, though beautiful, kinda messed up travel plans. All flights yesterday were cancelled as well as many today so the Airport was chaos. I first waited in a line at an outside checkin kiosk only to get to the front and be told i was in the wrong line. I was then sent inside to find the International Kiosk checkin where I was able to enter my info in and then have to wait for an agent to come, they were not in sight and super busy so after re-entering all my info for the 4th time with no assistance i resided to stand and be patient and wait till they were able to come. I was truly ok at this point, slightly irritated but mostly ok realizing that for me to get frustrated would do absolutely noone any good especially because everyone around me was freaking out enough.
When i finally got my bording pass i was sent to another line. the long line known as the bag drop line, the line i would later come to know as home for 4+ hours. remembering my dad was waiting to hear from me about finding an atm, i resolved that i needed to take care of that first so i did. when i got back from that i rejoined the line and there stayed for 4 hours.
comical moments of that line are 1. i had to use the restroom REALLY bad, so after 30 minutes of debating to leave the line or not I was able to convince the girl in front of me to leave watch my bags. 2. well...there is no no. 2.
about 2 hours into the line i decided to check the status of my flight on my cell phone which was when i discovered that the first of my flights was canceled. and after i got off the phone with an agent from the airline is when i sent out the mass texts for prayer. She had told me there was nothing else flying out of anywhere, (lets mark that the 1st time i heard that, by the end we will count them all up) and that there was nothing else she could do, my only chance was to remain in the line and talk to a clerk to see if i could get on standby somehow.
While i stood there the next 2+ hours, i prayed to myself, soaked in the encouraging texts i was recieving from everyone and tried to remain calm and collected. when i got to the clerk at last, she took my boarding pass, said "oh no" and then disappeared for 10 minutes. I kept praying, "Lord, this is in your hands, Help me to trust you, I trust you". then in an effort to not over focus, i decided to pray for others to get my mind off of what was going on cause i was starting to get slightly emotional. When the lady returned she said that she was going to call the reservations agent and then proceeded to hand me the phone and wait to speak with them. I remained silent as this all happened, nodding my head and breathing deeply was all i could do to maintain composure. I began to think to myself, "if you cant maintain composure then you will be admitting defeat, prove how you dont truly trust the Lord, and essentially not get anything accomplished". so i continued to pray, breath and wait.
the agent tried so hard to find a flight. she explored every option, even going through means of another airline. Nothing was open. the snow storm had cause an extreme backup on the standby's and the time of year made it so that all flights were booked to max. the next available flight out to africa would be December 26th, i wouldnt arrive in Africa til the evening of the 27th, and the morning 28th was when i would fly back home to arrive in America on the 29th.
i could no longer hold onto my emotions. i was spent and so i cried like a baby.
I could not grasp the situation, surely there has to be a way. I gave it one more try with the clerk and asked what she thought, her advice was to go back home and search around to see if i could find anything, and if i could not find anything to call in for a refund.
I regained composure and exited the airport feeling depleated and confused. I sat outside and called the airline again (k, that 3 times) to see if maybe i could do something else, maybe i had missed something. still, same answer, no flights.
I called my dad to come pick me up, and then i called Momma Cynthia to fill her in. I felt like a blob of goop, weak, and tried to speak clearly. (im really not dramatizing this, actually, im not even hitting it face falue, i was a mess). She had some encouraging words, all i could say was "I just dont understand". and she was right in her response, "well beck, im so sorry this has happened, but sometimes its not our place to understand and we may never, this could be God's protecting you..." (she said more, but i cant fully remember it all).
when i got off the phone i immediately received a text from Jason Pelt asking for an update, unable to type what was going on i just resolved to call. (sorry for the blubbery and sobs). after filling him in i kinda just sat there. [let me just interject that God has place truly amazing people in my life who are a true encouragement to my soul and for that i will be eternally grateful, Im truly Blessed]
Momma Cynthia called next to give some encouragement and make me laugh. I then decided i had some time and i was hungary so i went and got sushi. it was amazing!!! (really good, fresh sushi is found at the Reagan National Airport, second level...not expensive and completely amazing!)
after i had the sushi i had to find an outlet to charge my phone becasue its charge had been severely depleated from its extensive use with the calls, texts and facebook updates. Leah, my roomie, had texted me so again, not wanting to type it and not know how to type it i just called her. after i told her, we decided to switch subjects and she got me laughing a bit.
When my dad called i went and met him up at the top again and we headed home. Mr. James (missionary in Africa) called and i filled him in, we resolved to try to brainstorm some more about a plan of attack when i got back to stafford, i still didnt want to let this go. i was determined to explore all options. He gave me some encouraging words and after chatting with Jen (my friend from Michigan who arrived there early this morning with her brother) for about 2 seconds i kinda lost control of the emotions again and had to end the call.
swallowing the tears and changing subjects with my dad we talked about the snow :)
got back to stafford and he dropped me off at Momma Cythinia's where i have been since.
2 hours later, after trying everything i could, and talking and crying some more (im a girl, give me a break, i never used to cry this much over stuff...) i realized that this door was closing in every which way. my search ended rather comically with finding a flight with delta to abidjan that was only $10,000.00 and yes, i meant to type all those zeros. ten THOUSAND dollars.
that pretty much sealed it. haha
so, i emailed mr james and havent heard back from him yet, but its a 5 hour time difference, they are all in bed now.
while waiting for dinner i was just completely drained and in need of my Savior to hold me so i retreated to chat with the Lord for a bit. I wanted to read what Job's first response to his tragedy was. After tearing His clothes he said this "You give and take away, my heart will choose to say Blessed be Your name."
so i did all i could do, and i sang to my savior. "Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise, when the darkness closes in, Lord, still i will say, Blessed be the Name of the Lord, Blessed be your name. Blessed be the name of the Lord, Blessed be your Glorious Name".
Yall, trully, i cant see it right now. I cant see how He could or would Glorify His name is this this way. But i know He will be Glorified, i know this will bring Him glory somehow. I can't see how or why he would so clearly work in my heart since May, provide every step of the way and abundantly so and then close the door at the end. All i know is that i stepped out in faith and trust that His way is perfect and I believe with all my heart that His will, His plans are perfect and that He will be glorified in this. am i disappointed of the outcome, i would be lying i said wasn't, but that will pass. Has He left me in the dark? NO! NOT AT ALL! NEVER! He has stayed by my side this entire time.
Some of you may wonder what will happen with the money raised for the trip. Not fully decided. But, when i get the refund back from the airline, my off the top of my head idea is that it was donated for missions, for ministry. If any of you donated, i will be in contact with you soon, or you can email me at becky.castle@baptistcollege.edu You may recieve your donation back or elect to allow me to save it for another trip that i could go on in spring break maybe or over the summer or even next Christmas I could try this again, where ever the Lord may want me to go or you could choose for me to send the donation to the orphanage i was supposed to assist in this trip.
I thank you all for your prayers and for joining me along this journey. I pray that you are not discouraged by this. God's plans are perfect and this will not shake my faith, it will strengthen it. I pray that it will strengthen your faith as well.
I Love you all.