Day 25

i knew i had to workout, even if i still felt icky. In my mind, i get more and more freaked out about the 5k coming in 3 weeks from the Saturday (which i still have to register for...keep forgetting). i keep thinking in my head that there is no way im gonna be ready to jog the entire thing by then. and in those moments i want to just throw in the towel because i doubt that i can ever come to that point. well, it may not work everyday, but today i pushed that aside and did the Cardio: Level 2. if i dont even try, then i have failed already.
I found my mind wanting to give up today. i ended up Praying/yelling during the workout, half to silence my mind from discouraging myself, and half to ask God to a. help me and b. why i was feeling this way.
im thinking about throwing my scale away. when the numbers are decreasing, it is encouraging. when it doesnt say what i would like it to say i get frustrated, especially when i know how hard ive worked at it. and instead of it being something to push me to do better, i just feel defeated. So whats the deal with numbers anyway? why is it so important to me to weigh one pound less? Why am i not satisfied with feeling healthy? Who determines that magic number? What happens when i get to that number that i think i should be at...? will i be satisfied then?
Im struggling with the spiritual aspect of this. am i becoming obsessed? has this gone from bringing Glory to God to glory to self?
I don't know.

ps. i dont want to give up like i have in the past.