confessions.

i have been convicted lately of my pride. i have alot of it and i dont like that. my attention has also been brought to something about myself that i dont like and would like to change. if i ever feel as if i am succeeding at something or if someone points that out to me, that im doing well in that one area, then from that moment on, i dont know why or what happens but i begin a downward spiral in that area. through out my life this has happened. i find myself dreading compliments because, and this is what goes on in my head, the second i get the compliment i am thankful for it, then the immediate next second this thought runs through my head "oh no, now i will lose that completly"
things like humility or servanthood, or being a praywarrior, or even loosing weight or haveing a kind spirit or being out going or doing well in an area of my life, no matter what it is, the second my attention is brought to any bit of success i might be experiencing, i loose that quality, and i dont know why.