Confessions from a Recovering Work-aholic: Expectations that Squelch the Mesage of the Gospel

TO DELETE or NOT...That is the question: I've written from time to time on this blog of mine for years, yet I highly doubt anyone actually reads it. Through working at a camp, beginning college, working through goals, lamenting over failed attempts and setting new goals, crying over college-induced stress, times of circumstance-induced stress, homesickness (something I never thought I'd experience), etc. This blog has been a record of some of the journey. When I re-read posts, my own immaturity beams from some of my early writings and I ask "should I delete this, now? the immaturity, and stumbling along the way, its all in print...this is embarrassing." 

However, I've resolved to leave the script as it is. I cannot change the past and it's in reflection of the past that the Lord continues to sharpen and equip me for obedience in the day I happen to be living at this given time. And so I think it is supposed to be. Perhaps, in leaving the past exposed, any who read could find comfort knowing we really are ALL people in need of changed hearts and renewed minds, and this happening in us daily. 

If we hit a proverbial "delete" button on our past, what would the perceived image of our lives, presented to people who meet us today, look like? Who would be exalted?  I have had too many conversations with others struggling to be vulnerable-shoot...I have been one struggling to be vulnerable- because there is this perceived image of what it looks like to follow Christ, this image that does more to reflect and promote self accomplishments than Gospel-changed hearts. The more quiet I have been about how the Gospel has changed me through my life, the more the message of the Power of the Gospel has been silenced in my life and relationships. And not just from the world around me, but also from myself. 


Consumed by Self-imposed Expectations: I think that too often we as a people, as individuals, focus too much on instant change.  While I cannot speak for you, I can speak of how my own ideals have been so sky high and "right" in my own understanding that the pursuit of these ideals has consumed me. My time, energy, resources have been spent shaping various ideals that were really idols fashioned by my human sized hands and set before God to "Check off/approve of." 

I used to press on towards an image of false perfection. A pursuit that only left me choking on my own self-consumed, legalistic, idealistic expectations that I thought would qualify me to receive the fulfillment of my dreams.   But, knowing the nature of my plans...Isaiah 55 pretty much blows that mentality out of the water...making it null and void when Isaiah records this: 

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, 

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts."

(Isaiah 55:8-9 ESV)

These words of truth appear on the screen before me and I feel like a hypocrite for even typing them because as removed from my pursuit of perfection as the Holy Spirit has brought me, the bend toward idealistic expectations shows its ugly face in my life when my eyes are off Christ. And that happens more than I'd care to admit. 
In a mind consumed with ideals, it would be IDEAL to write about a struggle AFTER I have conquered the battle (which is really just PRIDE) rather than be vulnerable (which is HUMILITY). And since my life is meant to SHOW the message of Christ to a world already choking on its way to hell, the way of vulnerability and humility is REALLY the only option I have.  


MARTHA or MARY:  There is another aspect of having unrealistic expectations that can keep us from loving one another, and also distract us from spending time with Christ. 
In Luke 10: 38-42 Luke gives an account involving Jesus and two sisters, Martha and Mary. 
Martha was a busy bee, working, working...she hardly rested and she resented her sister for not joining her efforts. Mary chose the better portion, she sat at the feet of Jesus and soaked in every moment she could to be in His presence. She wasn't concerned about dishes or appearances. She was solely concerned with being near to Jesus.

During different seasons of my life, friends of mine have kindly pointed out that my own expectations are bound to choke me.  

Are you there, too?  We are all stumbling along in this life thing. None of us are going to be perfect (not until the day we are united with Christ and His righteousness is once and for all rested on us who have submitted to Him).

So what are we to do until then? How do we go through life, juggle between our plans and dreams and the way HE decides our path with look like?
Well. 
We don't stop dreaming. But we do submit our ideas to His ultimate authority and choosing. 
We don't stop planning. But we do trust that as we work out our plans, He may redirect us. 
We don't stop moving forward. But we do humbly say "I'm ready to flex and change gears as you decide which steps I should take." 
We don't cower in the corner. But we do CHOOSE to TRUST HIM. (I'm typing this out as words to my own heart that is needing the reminder)
We don't give up. We "press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." 
We don't work for our salvation. We repent and believe that Christ death and resurrection are sufficient for our salvation--that there is NOTHING in us that could have made us right before God. Only the righteousness of Jesus. WE REST at the feet of our savior.
and
We don't compare our journey to that of our neighbor's. Instead, we focus on our hearts before the Lord and the doing of what he has called each of us to do. Love God by obeying Him. Love God by loving our neighbors. Love God by doing all we do in our lives as though HIS GLORY in what we do is our main goal. Love God by celebrating the grace He has given in our neighbor's life. Love God by realizing we each have a unique assignment given us by God--none more important than the next. Love God by living a life of gratitude.