...Can I Be Free of This Unreleasable Sin?

Completely haphazardly, as I was exploring the contents of my External Hardrive (which I recommend for anyone who does not have one of these to get one! They save so much space for your computer to run smoother and to keep your documents safe!), I came across this journal entry/freestyle poem I wrote last year...
______________________________
February 23, 2011

"Because I've known no other self,

should this refrain me from moving forward?

what if this forward motion would change everything?

should i pursue such uncertainty?

is it fear that holds me from going forward?

is it fear that has glued me to this mark?

Is it a lack of determination?

Is it laziness?

how can i rise above?

Can i break out of this never ending cycle?

What holds me back?

What is it within that limits me like a rubber band,

able to stretch and grow only to snap right back to what it was before,"

______________________________
During this time, I was in a serious point of what I have formerly liked to refer to as my "quest for health," but have since realized is the process of learning how to CRAVE God, not food. And I was apparently not in a very rosy season of the process.
Getting healthy, losing weight... these are things that have deeper roots than mere pounds to shed or inches to lose.
At the core of this process is a battle. It is one of flesh versus Spirit. A battle to turn to the Lord for comfort, for everything, instead of food. In fact, a book I recently came across, written by Lysa TerKeurst, sums it up just in its title: Made To Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desires with God Not Food. This journal entry above is the raw guts which flowed from one of many heart to heart moments with the Lord from throughout this journey.
As I read through these words, I am reminded of Romans 7, and of Pauls own battle of flesh and Spirit. His will vs. God's will.
"For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate."
(Romans 7:15 ESV)
Ok, GREAT! He relates, now what?
Well, as you continue reading in Romans 7...
"For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out." (Romans 7:18 ESV)
We can see from this that we, ourselves do not have the ability to do what is right, truly. Read of the sweet victory, and in whom that sweet victory is solely found in...
"So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin."
(Romans 7:21-25 ESV)
and (at risk of losing any semblance of maturity), a song from long ago in my "Punk/Pop Rock" days still flows through my mind in moments of doubt, as if to be a reminder to "...never underestimate my Jesus. You're telling me that there's no hope, I'm telling you you're wrong. never underestimate my Jesus, when the world around you crumbles He will be strong." (Relient K)
So, if you can identify with Paul and I with this tension of flesh vs. Spirit...if it has ever dragged you down, beaten you up, left you for dead, discouraged, etc. Be encouraged!  You are not alone. and Praise Jesus for the VICTORY He has ALREADY accomplished on our behalf!  
Take one more look at that last verse with me. "So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind..."   If we are to serve the law of God with our minds, then we will recognize the importance of renewing our minds (Romans 12:1-2) and also see how this is done by "taking every thought captive to obey Christ." (2 Cor. 10:5)  (More on this in a future post, so stay tuned...) BUT Bluntly stated---> To serve the law of God with our minds we have to know the law of God.

So. CLAIM the Victory we ALREADY have in Christ, and get to reading HIS WORD!!!  Just practically, start with one or 2 verses that can be your "fighter verse."  
I'll close this with one last statement, this one is by Piper, may it serve to remind you of our adversary, the devil, and swiftly direct you to the only "force" Satan cannot reckon with. God's Word.
 "Memorizing Scripture allows me to hit the devil in the face, with a force he cannot resist to protect myself and my family from his assaults. What are you hitting him with?! He is millions of times stronger than you! And he hates you! And your family, and your marriage, and  this church and God. How anyone walks through this devil-ruled world without a sword in their hand is beyond me."

Musings of Recent Days

There are moments in my life where the Lord pops an idea, a connection or illustration involving the things around me to the thoughts in my head. He so graciously shows me beautiful connections, visuals involving His creation or the various things that I encounter in life and grants me deeper understanding of a life lesson through the illustration that He has played out before me. Many times, I am simply left in awe of the picture. tears or giggles result. Words can sometimes never seem to to truly express what it is that I have just been shown. But, there are times when it becomes more than a fleeting thought or hapless memory and He provides the words to lock in the beauty of how He is teaching me.
I then have 2 choices: I can keep these things to myself (call it selfish-hoarding His guidance for myself as it if were only ever meant for solely me; or call it humility-which is not truly humility because though it may mean I do not have confidence in my own writings, I still have not recognized that it was not of myself that I was even able to write them) OR I can share them with others, and pray that the Lord would use them as HE sees fit in His will to do (maybe to give comfort, to challenge others, to encourage others, or as an example of what NOT to DO/How NOT to be...)
So, upon approaching this crossroad, I have decided this: Any words that the Lord enables me to compile into some semblance of sense to relate what He is teaching and showing me through illustrations or in anyway that could connect or make sense to another individual and possibly aid in their better understanding of the Lord and how He moves in our lives, I will post.
(And that was a really LONG run-on sentence...my English professor would be flabbergasted)

Here is Entry 1. It has no name as of yet, feel free to suggest one :)

Night sounds and this seemingly endless cloud.
Your thoughts are MUCH HIGHER THAN OURS, Lord.
and it seems as though i cannot even wrap my mind around.
these times, when the full strand of images and words and
pieces of the puzzle remain in a pile.
that has been dumped.
from a box.
which contains a picture that i just can.not.see.CLEARLY!

I search for the edges,
try to find the frame
BUT its like i have no aim.
The picture, in pieces before me is so unclear
that i can't even see.
the IMPRESSIONIST.
who takes some color and spreads it out,
claiming to know exactly what HE wishes to convey.

BUT with my face nose-to-nose with the mix of
RED and PURPLE, BLUE and GREEN,
I just can't seem to see what the artist has seen.
and now this picture,
this image,
this vision,
it's in pieces before me.
Leaving me to wonder about what I cannot see.
(copyright: BC 2012)