Eucharisteo

There is a blog I frequently read, aholyexperience.com
Ann Voskamp is the blogger and she happens to also be the author of a book called "1000 Gifts." in this book, she discusses her battle to reclaim joy via a journey of discovering that the grace of God is displayed all around us, all the time. And in thanking God for all the grace pockets, true, lasting joy is attainable
I have not finished the book, but I have taken one of the quotes from the book and used it in a project which I made for a dear friend & mentor who I am very grateful to have known and been taught by.

Wood burning became a hobby of mine a few years ago. I am slowly learning and rarely have the time to work on it, but it is always an enjoyable pastime of mine--scent of burning wood + thrill of creating something new and unknown= beautiful.

Tuned for His Glory

I hear the notes of my favorite hymn flowing in my mind as I read the lyrics on the page of a book I’ve selected randomly from the shelves that surround me. And these lyrics are so rich, “Come thou fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing Thy grace…” Rarely can I read them, hear them, think them, sing them without my eyes filling with the tears of a heart that has experienced the depth of these words- so real, “Sorrowing I shall be in spirit, Till released from flesh and sin, Yet from what I do inherit, Here Thy praises I'll begin…”. And it becomes more than a hymn. It's a prayer, a plea, an offering before the Lord of thanksgiving, in awe of his grace and love… “O to grace how great a debtor, daily I’m constrained to be! Let your goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee.”

Today, there is a fresh measure of musings I wish to consider from this song. When you sing/pray "tune my heart to sing thy grace" are you aware of the pangs of correction involved? Do you see how the Lord has had to teach your heart to embrace his grace? Of how He continues to teach your heart to embrace his grace?

I have this picture of a musician and his guitar. The strings are stretched along the neck between the tuners and the body. And the strings are wrapped around little pegs on the headstock where knobs called “tuning keys” (I know I'm more than likely butchering terminology) are used to take this from a mess of wood, metal, and nylon to functioning, musical instrument. However, it's only when accurately tuned that the strings, when plucked or strum, create the desired sound--the beginnings of a sweet melody begin with the pangs of stretched cords.

Have you seen this true in your own life? In your own heart? Have you been “tuned” to sing of God’s grace? His grace: “Jesus sought me when a stranger, Wandering from the fold of God; He, to rescue me from danger, Interposed His precious blood.”

These are the beginnings of a sweet melody, ey? "tune my heart to sing thy grace" A heart that knows Christ-- knows his grace-- is a heart that sings? YES.

My heart has not been easily tuned. God has been tuning my heart to play His sweet melody since the day he gave my heart its beat. At times it has truly felt as though the cords of my heart and mind have utterly snapped. Yet I wonder, "Does it every really snap, though?"

I am stubborn, and my heart is full of pride which has, at times, kept my eyes closed to His grace in my life. My pride has kept me from being able to sing “Here's my heart, O take and seal it, Seal it for Thy courts above.” Stubbornness has caused my hearts eye to close to the correction, the tuning by Christ’s truth as my junk is exposed. Like the screech and misplaced sound of an untuned string trying to be whole in the melody, only causing pain. (Can you visualize the musician, trained to identify the slightest misplaced note, squinting with pain in their face at the sound of this untuned tragedy) It has taken great pain to humble me before such a gracious and merciful Savior. “Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love…” those words…I know them too well. This great pain, inflicted by my sin, has felt like an irreparable break.

A guitarist knows how to gently care for his instrument. Does not Christ know how to care for me, his instrument? The guitarist knows how to turn those keys, ever so gently. Pluck the stings in just the right way, listening intently to the sound it makes, loosening and tightening…until it plays the desired note at just the right pitch and tone. Does not Christ know the sound he desires my heart to play? Is He not more than capable to tune my heart to play his sweet melody?”  

When pride so thick is humbled, it can feel as though you’ve been broken with no hope. It can feel as though your heart-cord has irreparably been broken. “Can a heart-cord be fixed? Is a heart-cord like the strings of a guitar that are unusable once snapped? As a good friend once told me, “There is a hole in every good illustration.” In Christ, our hearts are never beyond the ability to be healed so long as we breathe in these mortal bodies. Christ is our Hope. Christ is also like the skilled, gentle guitarist, tuning us for His Glory. In his hands, our strings will not break before their time. It is because He knows us, intimately. He knows when, he knows what, he knows how, he knows ALL the details of how each of our hearts will be uniquely tuned to sing of His grace.

  I don’t know if you can relate, but in my Christian walk, I’ve found myself expecting to go from “wretched sinner” to “perfect angel” at the snap of my fingers. And anything less (which is always) leaves this cloud of self-condemnation over me. “I know guitars were not an instrument in Christ’s day…perhaps we have reached the limits of that illustration. But of all the parables Christ had,” I think to myself, “do we see an example of how Christ expects our hearts to be tuned, the speed at which it’s achieved?”

I select another book from the shelf. This one is on Matthew 9:14-17. The disciples of John approach Jesus and ask him why they and the Pharisees fast, but the disciples of Jesus do not. Jesus' first point I can clearly see is defense, I understand it at face value as I have learned that Jesus's disciples were with Jesus so they did not have reason to "miss" him, to long for his presence, as he was already there with them!  But the second defense Christ gives had me puzzled.  Why does Jesus give us examples of patching clothes and instructions on "How to Properly Store Your Favorite Wine?"

Matthew Henry offers explanation, explanation that links these ponderings of stretched strings and tuned hearts:

 "Some duties of religion are harder and more difficult than others, like new cloth and new wine, which require most intenseness of mind, and are most displeasing to flesh and blood; such are religious fasting and the duties that attend it. The best of Christ's disciples pass through a state of infancy; all the trees in Christ's garden are not of a growth, nor all his scholars in the same form; there are babes in Christ and grown men. In the enjoining of religious exercises, the weakness and infirmity of young Christians ought to be considered: as the food provided for them must be such as is proper for their age (1 Cor. 3:2; Heb. 5:12), so must the work be that is cut out for them. Christ would not speak to his disciples that which they could not then bear, John 16:12. Young beginners in religion must not be put upon the hardest duties at first, lest they be discouraged."

(Matthew Henry Commentary Volume 5; 1999: Page 98-99)

Did you know that the tuner must twist those knobs slowly? Like a rubberband or our muscular system, were you to stretch the stings of nylon to quickly at once, they would snap! In reviewing where I was emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally at different stages of my life, I’ve really come to understand this to be true. I stand amazed to see how the Lord has deepened my understanding of who He is, and in both the simple and complex aspects of life, He has brought maturity. It’s only upon reflection that the measure of maturity is really seen or noticed. And though I know the maturity has come from a line of tweeks that were painful at times, not always pleasant, I know and praise God for the joy of being tuned to sing of His almighty, beautiful, amazing grace! Like the seasoned strings of a guitar, my heart is continually being tuned for HIS GLORY!

A Moment Like Jonah

Today held a morning of Baptist College moments as I listened to our chapel service from my cozy library office in Virginia. As the sermon closed out and the radio returned to its normal playlist, images of R.G. Lee came to mind. A familiar scene I’ve seen repeated so often in the course of the past 5 years. And I wonder if anything has changed…

Having just been dismissed from Chapel, I can see the faces of those in my alma mater filing out the door. Most probably had their things gathered and ready to jump from their seats and exit as soon as the prayer was complete, (busy is the life of a college student, and after all- the cafeteria opens soon and class comes quickly afterward. There’s not time to stop, breathe, think). Some will most likely be lingering and gathered in clutters around the chapel, in the most inconvenient of positions, to socialize with friends or professors. A few may be lined up to greet Dr. Akin, shake his hand, say their “well to do’s,” network and be on their way. There will be a few, however, who remain in their seats: journaling, processing, thinking about and praying through and actually receiving the words they have just heard.

This select few have not only heard the words, but have been cut to the core by the Holy Spirit, moving and stirring in their hearts, challenging them because they HAVE been Jonah. They are Jonah. Or they desire so beyond measure to not be as Jonah. These contemplator’s hearts are full of compassion… or are being broken for their calloused hearts. It is a great temptation each of us may face to follow as the Lord leads, or run in the opposite direction. And, even if we do move in the direction God leads, each of us will have to actively choose contentment and joy. Each of us can be, have been, or will be Jonah. I know I’ve been opinionated and rebellious. I’ve deemed God’s plans illogical or impossible and have joined the cargo ships to Tarshish, only to find myself in the belly of a whale…

“You ought to not pray ‘shall I go’, instead your prayer should be ‘Why should I stay’” these words are ringing in the ears of our contemplators. I am no stranger to this contemplation. And, I know I am not alone in being faced with this challenge today. Dr. Akin presented the shift in prayer focus we each need. Each of us who have excused away our part in the Great Commission, simply for lack of clarity (as if it could be clearer than “go”) or the myriad of excuses we could and have made. I’d imagine their minds are replaying and shuffling through the reasons why they should or should not stay. Their hearts are wrestling. “Am I just comfortable?” “Have I made excuses?” I know mine has. In fact, it is a discipline of evaluation and reflection I have learned is necessary to employ in my life every couple weeks or months. “God, am I complacent in where I am? Have I calloused from your leading? Should I remain planted in this place, or is it time for a transplant? Am I thriving or just surviving?”

To those contemplators who wrestle through these things with the Lord, and take the time to sit and commune with the Lord, my heart is overjoyed! I pray they have run to their secret place, known only to the Lord and themselves. The place where they meet with Him and face each and every bit of the Spirit’s leading. No walls being thrown up, just a sledge hammer tearing down all their excuses and all of their desires, until they are left prostrate on the floor before the Lord, humbled and full of Eucharisteo (grace, joy, thanksgiving).

For as many times as I remember identifying with the contemplator who is more like the example above, I know there is a flip-side to the coin, and I know I can also identify with the contemplators who are more stubborn. A tragic situation will occur in some of our contemplative individuals. They have just encountered the Holy Spirit, and now they will decide to either lean in closer or build the callous of complacency around their hearts and shove these stirrings deep into their souls. They think it would be easier to ignore the pressing of the Spirit, save it for thought when they have more “time” to process everything. I pray they would realize now is the time to process, to pull away from distractions, to commune with the Father in prayer.  

For those of us who fall into the more stubborn category, it is discovered that the message has hit too close to home. Pride is preventing some to see they are “Jonah.” As Dr. Akin spoke of those stirred with anger for the way God has or is choosing to display His glory, that family member’s face flashed in their mind’s eye as Akin described the scenario of Jonah’s discontentment with God offering forgiveness. How ironic, how arrogant. We are the ones who have caused the great offense against our mighty God, and yet I know I’ve found myself getting angry upon seeing the Holy Spirit move and bring forgiveness and healing to those I’ve deemed unworthy of forgiveness. Completely forgetting that I  am the unworthy one. I damb myself in the same breath that I damb another when I choose to withhold the measure of grace Christ offered. And I know I’m not alone in this. There will be those who will have departed from Lee Chapel today, completely calloused to the Lord revealing this sin of their hearts. They will press it away and it will slowly erode their hearts and bring a great chasm in their hearts between them and the Lord. I pray they would not allow their pride to have a foothold in their hearts any longer. I pray for the pain that will continue to remain as the wounds they’ve inflicted continue to infect their lives, their families, their relationships, their ministry past, present, and future.

                I wish I could link the message to this blog, if for no other reason but so it is archived here as so often I love to reflect back through here and remember how the Lord has opened my own eyes to the remnants of pride eating at my heart, grieving my Jesus. Perhaps the scene I’ve described above is a far-cry from reality. But I don’t think it is. I don’t think it is beyond possibility because I remember being in those pews. I remember days of my arrogance and childish mind- completely missing the treasure of yielding to the Spirit. I remember the days when I sat with my journal and continued to write with fierce speed for fear my mind would forget how the Lord was teaching me…(only to look back later and need a translator for my chicken-scratch-chinese).  If I’ve matured at all, and I believe I have, in my days at BCF I know it came in large part from Chapel services (even if some days it seemed my skills of heresy detection were being sharpened…it’s a reality you will face wherever you are). I remember identifying with each of these types of people…even the ones who rushed for the door or cluttered in the isles.

                I pray that we would each be able to humbly approach the throne and ask as David did, that the Lord would: “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” (Psalm 139:23-24 ESV) Specifically, in connection with today’s challenge “Show me my Jonah ways, Lord! Break me of my pride, arrogance and selfishness. I REPENT and wish to turn from my wicked ways.”

Wrecked (gloriously)

Wrecked (in a glorious way) by the truth, the Bible. And by the words of 1 Chron. 10, seeing how seriously God hates sin.
Saul was King and he and his army had been defeated, he was wounded and he asks his armor-bearer to kill him because in pride he didn't want to give his enemy the opportunity to slay him. The servant would not, for fear. (yet he ends his own life after Saul kills himself). And from there, Israel scatters and the philistines are rejoicing and praising their false gods over the victory. (unbeknownst to them, God enabled them this victory because of the disobedience of Saul. They were being used in the one true God's plan. Their idols were still as worthless and dead as they were before). -I wonder how often I have given credit to another for what was really God's providence...too often to count, and yet once is too often.-
And the sin of one man has a ripple affect all over, from the farthest reaches-the ways you cannot see- to the most intimate of relationships and to the core- your relationship with the Lord.
(Have you been WRECKED by the realization that your sin separates you from the one and only, holy, Triune God?)
Wrecked knowing my pride is not far removed from that of King Saul's. Wrecked knowing Christ died, took on the wrath of the Father, on my pridefully wicked behalf.
Sweetly broken.
Held together by His grace.

And my mind is boggled upon these thoughts- continuously when the vision of my sin and the depth of grief I've caused- of how my thoughts and actions have grieved the Spirit, and yet His grace flows and forgiveness abounds. And it's in these times when it is made more clearly- His grace is not to be abused or ill-treated. it is to be treasured, cherished. And infinitely more than that, Jesus is to be treasured, cherished, honored, glorified.

Wrecked thinking about the multiple times of seeking guidance from everywhere else but God, forgetting that "But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ- by grace you have been saved..." (Eph. 2:4-5)
And I forget that? And i somehow think anything or anyone else could actually be a sufficient guide to anything or everything in life? I actually think that "created" would know more than "creator"?
Wrecked of my foolishness. So beautifully coming to understand, by His grace-which has saved me- I breathe each breath. (And it's all for His glory) and it's by His grace I am able to be wrecked. Able to see And praise Him for enabling me to see these things and understand more of this truth- I need Christ, He is ALL I need. And it's from this need that my heart is set in Him, and my mouth flows with praise to Him, and I can thank Him in all circumstances. I can seek Him for wisdom, knowledge, and understanding. I can peacefully trust He is sovereign and His grace is beautiful. He is beautiful. And when something is beautiful, you don't throw it away or stomp it in the ground. Like flowers or a beautiful piece of art, you display it where all can see! You cherish it with your heart and that will be seen in your speech and in your actions.

(Jesus is all YOU need! Do you believe that?)

The Future

Graduation. It's close.
I'm not holding my breath any more.
I'm embracing the uncertainty certain the Lord will guide the way.
There is a plan, and it doesn't look like what is expected and it may not seem like much. But that is okay. Rushing leads to reaction. I want to know the steps I take are directed solely by the Lord. I'm operating on His timing and trying to put intentional thought and prayer to my steps, allowing Him to write the story instead of my old way of create the scheme and then have Him check it off. He isn't meant to just be a box checker.
He creates the material the box is made of, shapes it perfectly for the plans He has, and opens the box for us periodically just to see enough for each moment.

Thank You, Jesus

"My Lord is STRENGTH
& truth.
This, I've Learned
from the
time of youth.
But As I Age,
it is made clear
and I cherrish it
MORE & MORE
each year."


"There is not
but one thought
none of this
is all for not.

Christ hath seen
all my needs
and He is still
at work in me."

Words jotted at some point during this last semester, during the long days and moments when the threat or actual take over of doubt and despair weighed heavy on me. Graduation is in 5 days. The grace of my Savior, Jesus, still amazes me!  I read these words, words written and hung on my calendar in that little space of my own, when in a moment of solitude in that room-thinking, reflecting, planning, breathing.
Despair says I doubt my Savior is near. It says I don't believe His love. It says my confidence has shifted from being sourced by Christ- the overflowing well, to self- the broken cistern.
SO in those moments, I would look at these words, think on His goodness, and HE would provide. O, but even that sentence seems conceded for it was not of me that my thoughts moved from despairing to seeing His face. THAT came from HIM and HIM alone. Because He lives in me. The Holy Spirit, the GOD MOST HIGH reminded me that...
Strength will RISE as we wait upon the Lord. He IS truth. He is STRENGTH. He is my Rock, Redeemer, the Restorer and is Real.

YHWH the Most High is He.

"All my unanswered questions DON'T change the WISDOM OF YOUR WILL." -Sovereign Grace Music

"The more I learn eucharisteo, Less likely I am to Israelite complain and more likely I am to lament, a cry that trusts His heart." -Ann VosKamp

Thank you, Jesus.

"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." (Colossians 3:1-4 ESV)

"But when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God, waiting from that time until his enemies should be made a footstool for his feet. For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified.
 And the Holy Spirit also bears witness to us; for after saying,
 “This is the covenant that I will make with them
  after those days, declares the Lord:
 I will put my laws on their hearts,
  and write them on their minds,”
 then he adds,
 “I will remember their sins and their lawless deeds no more.”
 Where there is forgiveness of these, there is no longer any offering for sin.
 Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.
 For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a fearful expectation of judgment, and a fury of fire that will consume the adversaries. Anyone who has set aside the law of Moses dies without mercy on the evidence of two or three witnesses. How much worse punishment, do you think, will be deserved by the one who has trampled underfoot the Son of God, and has profaned the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has outraged the Spirit of grace? For we know him who said, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay.” And again, “The Lord will judge his people.” It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.
 But recall the former days when, after you were enlightened, you endured a hard struggle with sufferings, sometimes being publicly exposed to reproach and affliction, and sometimes being partners with those so treated. For you had compassion on those in prison, and you joyfully accepted the plundering of your property, since you knew that you yourselves had a better possession and an abiding one. Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. For,
 “Yet a little while,
  and the coming one will come and will not delay;
 but my righteous one shall live by faith,
  and if he shrinks back,
 my soul has no pleasure in him.”
 But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls." (Hebrews 10:12-39 ESV)

Holy Fountain, Consume Us With You

The title of this post may seem like a far-cry from this posting. However, the song was playing as I was posting and it seems to summate what the root need is of one who finds themselves in a "Peter-esque" moment as is described below:

Matthew 14:28-33

Peter. He walked on water. He took his eyes off Christ. He saw the wind and grew afraid. He sank. He cried out. Christ. Christ IMMEDIATELY reached out and pulled him from the water. Christ saved him from drowning. "o ye of little faith, why did you doubt?" I see the scene. As if I were there. As If I were Peter, on that boat. Seeing Christ, following his lead. Out of the boat. I step, have stepped. There has been success, some sinking moments. But here, now, I've heard the wind and fear has gripped. The waves whip around me and I struggle to tread and keep my chin above the water. He extends his hands of grace and I've grabbed. Still as a fight. A fight because I am ashamed. Because to face him and admit that I had doubt, that I took my eyes off of him is Humbling. And it seems I've forgotten he already knows. And he knew it would happen. And my grip is weak, but he holds firm and draws me in. And in his arms, now on the boat, drenched and wrapped in the blanket of truth in his arms, I heare his gentle reprimand and am crushed in spirit, but so grateful for his warm embrace and the grace he has extended.
And he speaks with gentle strength, "My child of little faith, fix your eyes on me, Jesus. It is for discipline you have to endure, for I love you. It is for your good, that you may share my holiness. I know it seems painful for now, but it will yield the peaceful fruit of righteousness as you are trained by it. The testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And if you let steadfastness of its full effect you will lack nothing. Oh child, I know you. Your struggles, desires, joys, sorrows. I see your faults and iniquity and love u despite those things. I have given my life in your place that you may share in the eternal inheritance. That you may have salvation. Do not despise my grace. Cling to me. I feel you shake in my arms. I am your strength. I am hearing your heart and soul cry. I am the one who satisfies all in all. Bless my name, with all your soul. Whatever it takes, know I am here. And child, I am the only one worthy of your worship and devotion. Turn your eyes away from worthless idols. Praise me. Worship me. Trust me. Depend in me. Do not doubt me. Know I am for you. I am your hope. I am your rock. I am your all. The breath you breathe, it comes from me. Blessed beloved child, I love you. Noone will ever snatch you from me. Seek me. Repent. Trust me for the change. Ready yourself to be obedient. Trust me for the things you do not understand, ask for wisdom and understanding it I will provide sufficiently."
What more is there for me to do in a moment like this but to be in awe of my redeemer.