in about 8 minutes it will be 2010! Where has this year gone?
2009 has hands down been the MOST awesome, stretching, difficult, sad, wonderful, stressful, humbling, calming, amazing years of my life. I believe that I have experienced every emotion possible at least once, and in most cases, many times throughout the Year. I wouldn't trade it for anything, though!
God has revealed himself to me more this year then ever before. I have never been closer to my Savior and Look forward to what He has instore for me in 2010.
The 2009 chapter of the Story has such intricate details, that I seriously would never in a million years be able to finish writing it all out. Ive not even fully processed it all, and here it is, almost over.
I chuckle to myself as i was thinking about everything. I think that if there is one thing that the Lord has accomplished/is accomplishing in my life this year, it would be that He has helped me to Hand HIM the Pen of my LIFE! And i say that HE has accomplished that because its only by His grace and strength that I could do it.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
vanity, vanity, vanity
When i first got home from school, i decided to tackle our basement and clean it out...
mold and dust, bad combination, ive been sick since and i was only down there a day, only finished one area...
decided to try to take care of the kitchen today, pretty much only got the fridge cleaned out. there is just so much stuff.
Materialism is so dumb. we have so much stuff in this house. and none of it ever gets used. what is two ppl going to do with 20-30 bowls. 30 plates. a ton of pots and pans, 3 casserole dishes, multiple sets of silverware, cooking utensils, etc this is just in the kitchen...dont get me started on the rest of the house...
not to mention, there are enough candles to light every inch of the house for years!
how is it that so many things become so uselessly valuable to someone. I think there is a book in the Bible written about this kinda thing, by a pretty wise guy too. Ecclesiastes! what was that he said it all was....oh yeah! VANITY!
sorry folks, but there wont be a Uhaul following behind the hearse.
mold and dust, bad combination, ive been sick since and i was only down there a day, only finished one area...
decided to try to take care of the kitchen today, pretty much only got the fridge cleaned out. there is just so much stuff.
Materialism is so dumb. we have so much stuff in this house. and none of it ever gets used. what is two ppl going to do with 20-30 bowls. 30 plates. a ton of pots and pans, 3 casserole dishes, multiple sets of silverware, cooking utensils, etc this is just in the kitchen...dont get me started on the rest of the house...
not to mention, there are enough candles to light every inch of the house for years!
how is it that so many things become so uselessly valuable to someone. I think there is a book in the Bible written about this kinda thing, by a pretty wise guy too. Ecclesiastes! what was that he said it all was....oh yeah! VANITY!
sorry folks, but there wont be a Uhaul following behind the hearse.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
One Week Later
Its strange, in a way, to think back on this past semester and still be able to see and have confidence that the Lord was directing my steps towards Africa. Though at moments i feel as though I'm wrestling Satan on the thoughts invading, I have no doubt in my mind, that each step was taken prayerfully and that none were steps that i was not supposed to take. Tomorrow would be the day i would be leaving Africa to return from Cote d'Ivoire. Its been difficult at times to comprehend why i did not go, but i don't think it is something i will fully understand for awhile, and that's OK. that's what trust in the Lord means at times, trust even in uncertainty.
Since the beginning of this journey you have all been right there with me, not only praying for my part in the trip, but for the entire group and for the people of Cote d'Ivoire. Mr James and Mrs LaNelle, the Missionaries and leaders of the trip, were able to keep everyone updated through pictures and facebook status's thanks to the technology of their blackberry, this is the album on Facebook, i hope it lets you go to it. pictures say 1000 words right?!!
It was not me y'all were praying for, it was the people, the people in these photos. Your prayers were heard, your prayers are cherished and you can see it all in the eyes of the children and their families!
Now, as 2009 closes out, I am thankful for the Lord and for how He has been working in my life this entire year, Even in the last week :)
Since the beginning of this journey you have all been right there with me, not only praying for my part in the trip, but for the entire group and for the people of Cote d'Ivoire. Mr James and Mrs LaNelle, the Missionaries and leaders of the trip, were able to keep everyone updated through pictures and facebook status's thanks to the technology of their blackberry, this is the album on Facebook, i hope it lets you go to it. pictures say 1000 words right?!!
It was not me y'all were praying for, it was the people, the people in these photos. Your prayers were heard, your prayers are cherished and you can see it all in the eyes of the children and their families!
Now, as 2009 closes out, I am thankful for the Lord and for how He has been working in my life this entire year, Even in the last week :)
Sunday, December 20, 2009
The Update
I want to first say that if it appears as though I sound bitter or upset, I assure you I am in no way bitter, but obviously Im human so to an extent Im slightly upset. These are the events of the day.
The day began at 6am. had some time with the Lord, ate a good breakfast and my dad wrestled with the snow and picked me up from Momma Shaw's house. I arrived at the airport at 9am after sliding around on 95. The snow fall we had yesterday, though beautiful, kinda messed up travel plans. All flights yesterday were cancelled as well as many today so the Airport was chaos. I first waited in a line at an outside checkin kiosk only to get to the front and be told i was in the wrong line. I was then sent inside to find the International Kiosk checkin where I was able to enter my info in and then have to wait for an agent to come, they were not in sight and super busy so after re-entering all my info for the 4th time with no assistance i resided to stand and be patient and wait till they were able to come. I was truly ok at this point, slightly irritated but mostly ok realizing that for me to get frustrated would do absolutely noone any good especially because everyone around me was freaking out enough.
When i finally got my bording pass i was sent to another line. the long line known as the bag drop line, the line i would later come to know as home for 4+ hours. remembering my dad was waiting to hear from me about finding an atm, i resolved that i needed to take care of that first so i did. when i got back from that i rejoined the line and there stayed for 4 hours.
comical moments of that line are 1. i had to use the restroom REALLY bad, so after 30 minutes of debating to leave the line or not I was able to convince the girl in front of me to leave watch my bags. 2. well...there is no no. 2.
about 2 hours into the line i decided to check the status of my flight on my cell phone which was when i discovered that the first of my flights was canceled. and after i got off the phone with an agent from the airline is when i sent out the mass texts for prayer. She had told me there was nothing else flying out of anywhere, (lets mark that the 1st time i heard that, by the end we will count them all up) and that there was nothing else she could do, my only chance was to remain in the line and talk to a clerk to see if i could get on standby somehow.
While i stood there the next 2+ hours, i prayed to myself, soaked in the encouraging texts i was recieving from everyone and tried to remain calm and collected. when i got to the clerk at last, she took my boarding pass, said "oh no" and then disappeared for 10 minutes. I kept praying, "Lord, this is in your hands, Help me to trust you, I trust you". then in an effort to not over focus, i decided to pray for others to get my mind off of what was going on cause i was starting to get slightly emotional. When the lady returned she said that she was going to call the reservations agent and then proceeded to hand me the phone and wait to speak with them. I remained silent as this all happened, nodding my head and breathing deeply was all i could do to maintain composure. I began to think to myself, "if you cant maintain composure then you will be admitting defeat, prove how you dont truly trust the Lord, and essentially not get anything accomplished". so i continued to pray, breath and wait.
the agent tried so hard to find a flight. she explored every option, even going through means of another airline. Nothing was open. the snow storm had cause an extreme backup on the standby's and the time of year made it so that all flights were booked to max. the next available flight out to africa would be December 26th, i wouldnt arrive in Africa til the evening of the 27th, and the morning 28th was when i would fly back home to arrive in America on the 29th.
i could no longer hold onto my emotions. i was spent and so i cried like a baby.
I could not grasp the situation, surely there has to be a way. I gave it one more try with the clerk and asked what she thought, her advice was to go back home and search around to see if i could find anything, and if i could not find anything to call in for a refund.
I regained composure and exited the airport feeling depleated and confused. I sat outside and called the airline again (k, that 3 times) to see if maybe i could do something else, maybe i had missed something. still, same answer, no flights.
I called my dad to come pick me up, and then i called Momma Cynthia to fill her in. I felt like a blob of goop, weak, and tried to speak clearly. (im really not dramatizing this, actually, im not even hitting it face falue, i was a mess). She had some encouraging words, all i could say was "I just dont understand". and she was right in her response, "well beck, im so sorry this has happened, but sometimes its not our place to understand and we may never, this could be God's protecting you..." (she said more, but i cant fully remember it all).
when i got off the phone i immediately received a text from Jason Pelt asking for an update, unable to type what was going on i just resolved to call. (sorry for the blubbery and sobs). after filling him in i kinda just sat there. [let me just interject that God has place truly amazing people in my life who are a true encouragement to my soul and for that i will be eternally grateful, Im truly Blessed]
Momma Cynthia called next to give some encouragement and make me laugh. I then decided i had some time and i was hungary so i went and got sushi. it was amazing!!! (really good, fresh sushi is found at the Reagan National Airport, second level...not expensive and completely amazing!)
after i had the sushi i had to find an outlet to charge my phone becasue its charge had been severely depleated from its extensive use with the calls, texts and facebook updates. Leah, my roomie, had texted me so again, not wanting to type it and not know how to type it i just called her. after i told her, we decided to switch subjects and she got me laughing a bit.
When my dad called i went and met him up at the top again and we headed home. Mr. James (missionary in Africa) called and i filled him in, we resolved to try to brainstorm some more about a plan of attack when i got back to stafford, i still didnt want to let this go. i was determined to explore all options. He gave me some encouraging words and after chatting with Jen (my friend from Michigan who arrived there early this morning with her brother) for about 2 seconds i kinda lost control of the emotions again and had to end the call.
swallowing the tears and changing subjects with my dad we talked about the snow :)
got back to stafford and he dropped me off at Momma Cythinia's where i have been since.
2 hours later, after trying everything i could, and talking and crying some more (im a girl, give me a break, i never used to cry this much over stuff...) i realized that this door was closing in every which way. my search ended rather comically with finding a flight with delta to abidjan that was only $10,000.00 and yes, i meant to type all those zeros. ten THOUSAND dollars.
that pretty much sealed it. haha
so, i emailed mr james and havent heard back from him yet, but its a 5 hour time difference, they are all in bed now.
while waiting for dinner i was just completely drained and in need of my Savior to hold me so i retreated to chat with the Lord for a bit. I wanted to read what Job's first response to his tragedy was. After tearing His clothes he said this "You give and take away, my heart will choose to say Blessed be Your name."
so i did all i could do, and i sang to my savior. "Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise, when the darkness closes in, Lord, still i will say, Blessed be the Name of the Lord, Blessed be your name. Blessed be the name of the Lord, Blessed be your Glorious Name".
Yall, trully, i cant see it right now. I cant see how He could or would Glorify His name is this this way. But i know He will be Glorified, i know this will bring Him glory somehow. I can't see how or why he would so clearly work in my heart since May, provide every step of the way and abundantly so and then close the door at the end. All i know is that i stepped out in faith and trust that His way is perfect and I believe with all my heart that His will, His plans are perfect and that He will be glorified in this. am i disappointed of the outcome, i would be lying i said wasn't, but that will pass. Has He left me in the dark? NO! NOT AT ALL! NEVER! He has stayed by my side this entire time.
Some of you may wonder what will happen with the money raised for the trip. Not fully decided. But, when i get the refund back from the airline, my off the top of my head idea is that it was donated for missions, for ministry. If any of you donated, i will be in contact with you soon, or you can email me at becky.castle@baptistcollege.edu You may recieve your donation back or elect to allow me to save it for another trip that i could go on in spring break maybe or over the summer or even next Christmas I could try this again, where ever the Lord may want me to go or you could choose for me to send the donation to the orphanage i was supposed to assist in this trip.
I thank you all for your prayers and for joining me along this journey. I pray that you are not discouraged by this. God's plans are perfect and this will not shake my faith, it will strengthen it. I pray that it will strengthen your faith as well.
I Love you all.
The day began at 6am. had some time with the Lord, ate a good breakfast and my dad wrestled with the snow and picked me up from Momma Shaw's house. I arrived at the airport at 9am after sliding around on 95. The snow fall we had yesterday, though beautiful, kinda messed up travel plans. All flights yesterday were cancelled as well as many today so the Airport was chaos. I first waited in a line at an outside checkin kiosk only to get to the front and be told i was in the wrong line. I was then sent inside to find the International Kiosk checkin where I was able to enter my info in and then have to wait for an agent to come, they were not in sight and super busy so after re-entering all my info for the 4th time with no assistance i resided to stand and be patient and wait till they were able to come. I was truly ok at this point, slightly irritated but mostly ok realizing that for me to get frustrated would do absolutely noone any good especially because everyone around me was freaking out enough.
When i finally got my bording pass i was sent to another line. the long line known as the bag drop line, the line i would later come to know as home for 4+ hours. remembering my dad was waiting to hear from me about finding an atm, i resolved that i needed to take care of that first so i did. when i got back from that i rejoined the line and there stayed for 4 hours.
comical moments of that line are 1. i had to use the restroom REALLY bad, so after 30 minutes of debating to leave the line or not I was able to convince the girl in front of me to leave watch my bags. 2. well...there is no no. 2.
about 2 hours into the line i decided to check the status of my flight on my cell phone which was when i discovered that the first of my flights was canceled. and after i got off the phone with an agent from the airline is when i sent out the mass texts for prayer. She had told me there was nothing else flying out of anywhere, (lets mark that the 1st time i heard that, by the end we will count them all up) and that there was nothing else she could do, my only chance was to remain in the line and talk to a clerk to see if i could get on standby somehow.
While i stood there the next 2+ hours, i prayed to myself, soaked in the encouraging texts i was recieving from everyone and tried to remain calm and collected. when i got to the clerk at last, she took my boarding pass, said "oh no" and then disappeared for 10 minutes. I kept praying, "Lord, this is in your hands, Help me to trust you, I trust you". then in an effort to not over focus, i decided to pray for others to get my mind off of what was going on cause i was starting to get slightly emotional. When the lady returned she said that she was going to call the reservations agent and then proceeded to hand me the phone and wait to speak with them. I remained silent as this all happened, nodding my head and breathing deeply was all i could do to maintain composure. I began to think to myself, "if you cant maintain composure then you will be admitting defeat, prove how you dont truly trust the Lord, and essentially not get anything accomplished". so i continued to pray, breath and wait.
the agent tried so hard to find a flight. she explored every option, even going through means of another airline. Nothing was open. the snow storm had cause an extreme backup on the standby's and the time of year made it so that all flights were booked to max. the next available flight out to africa would be December 26th, i wouldnt arrive in Africa til the evening of the 27th, and the morning 28th was when i would fly back home to arrive in America on the 29th.
i could no longer hold onto my emotions. i was spent and so i cried like a baby.
I could not grasp the situation, surely there has to be a way. I gave it one more try with the clerk and asked what she thought, her advice was to go back home and search around to see if i could find anything, and if i could not find anything to call in for a refund.
I regained composure and exited the airport feeling depleated and confused. I sat outside and called the airline again (k, that 3 times) to see if maybe i could do something else, maybe i had missed something. still, same answer, no flights.
I called my dad to come pick me up, and then i called Momma Cynthia to fill her in. I felt like a blob of goop, weak, and tried to speak clearly. (im really not dramatizing this, actually, im not even hitting it face falue, i was a mess). She had some encouraging words, all i could say was "I just dont understand". and she was right in her response, "well beck, im so sorry this has happened, but sometimes its not our place to understand and we may never, this could be God's protecting you..." (she said more, but i cant fully remember it all).
when i got off the phone i immediately received a text from Jason Pelt asking for an update, unable to type what was going on i just resolved to call. (sorry for the blubbery and sobs). after filling him in i kinda just sat there. [let me just interject that God has place truly amazing people in my life who are a true encouragement to my soul and for that i will be eternally grateful, Im truly Blessed]
Momma Cynthia called next to give some encouragement and make me laugh. I then decided i had some time and i was hungary so i went and got sushi. it was amazing!!! (really good, fresh sushi is found at the Reagan National Airport, second level...not expensive and completely amazing!)
after i had the sushi i had to find an outlet to charge my phone becasue its charge had been severely depleated from its extensive use with the calls, texts and facebook updates. Leah, my roomie, had texted me so again, not wanting to type it and not know how to type it i just called her. after i told her, we decided to switch subjects and she got me laughing a bit.
When my dad called i went and met him up at the top again and we headed home. Mr. James (missionary in Africa) called and i filled him in, we resolved to try to brainstorm some more about a plan of attack when i got back to stafford, i still didnt want to let this go. i was determined to explore all options. He gave me some encouraging words and after chatting with Jen (my friend from Michigan who arrived there early this morning with her brother) for about 2 seconds i kinda lost control of the emotions again and had to end the call.
swallowing the tears and changing subjects with my dad we talked about the snow :)
got back to stafford and he dropped me off at Momma Cythinia's where i have been since.
2 hours later, after trying everything i could, and talking and crying some more (im a girl, give me a break, i never used to cry this much over stuff...) i realized that this door was closing in every which way. my search ended rather comically with finding a flight with delta to abidjan that was only $10,000.00 and yes, i meant to type all those zeros. ten THOUSAND dollars.
that pretty much sealed it. haha
so, i emailed mr james and havent heard back from him yet, but its a 5 hour time difference, they are all in bed now.
while waiting for dinner i was just completely drained and in need of my Savior to hold me so i retreated to chat with the Lord for a bit. I wanted to read what Job's first response to his tragedy was. After tearing His clothes he said this "You give and take away, my heart will choose to say Blessed be Your name."
so i did all i could do, and i sang to my savior. "Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise, when the darkness closes in, Lord, still i will say, Blessed be the Name of the Lord, Blessed be your name. Blessed be the name of the Lord, Blessed be your Glorious Name".
Yall, trully, i cant see it right now. I cant see how He could or would Glorify His name is this this way. But i know He will be Glorified, i know this will bring Him glory somehow. I can't see how or why he would so clearly work in my heart since May, provide every step of the way and abundantly so and then close the door at the end. All i know is that i stepped out in faith and trust that His way is perfect and I believe with all my heart that His will, His plans are perfect and that He will be glorified in this. am i disappointed of the outcome, i would be lying i said wasn't, but that will pass. Has He left me in the dark? NO! NOT AT ALL! NEVER! He has stayed by my side this entire time.
Some of you may wonder what will happen with the money raised for the trip. Not fully decided. But, when i get the refund back from the airline, my off the top of my head idea is that it was donated for missions, for ministry. If any of you donated, i will be in contact with you soon, or you can email me at becky.castle@baptistcollege.edu You may recieve your donation back or elect to allow me to save it for another trip that i could go on in spring break maybe or over the summer or even next Christmas I could try this again, where ever the Lord may want me to go or you could choose for me to send the donation to the orphanage i was supposed to assist in this trip.
I thank you all for your prayers and for joining me along this journey. I pray that you are not discouraged by this. God's plans are perfect and this will not shake my faith, it will strengthen it. I pray that it will strengthen your faith as well.
I Love you all.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
The Time Has Come
It's HERE!!!
Tomorrow is the day!!
Im beside myself with excitement and nervousness.
i have no words.
If you would like to know what to pray for:
Tomorrow is the day!!
Im beside myself with excitement and nervousness.
i have no words.
If you would like to know what to pray for:
- Im nervous right now about my flights. about making them because of all the snow out there and the fact that its still coming down. and that im going to be doing all this alone, the whole international flying thing.
- 20 hours in a plane and a few hours in an airport: words from Brandon Heath's song "Give me your eyes" come to mind often but more so when at the airport and on the plane. Please pray that i will not be so focused on the ministry im heading to that i miss the ministry infront of my face during those 20+ hours.
- the ministry over in Abidjan and all we will be helping with and doing there.
- James and Lanelle George, the missionaries we are helping, Mr James is the one that will be getting us from the airports and just for strength and rest for him as he will be just as exhausted as we will be.
- Please pray with me that i will rest in the Lord and be emptied of myself so that i may be filled with Him, that it would be HIM that gets all the glory. from all that i say and do and that I would be sensitive to Him and His direction.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Back in Stafford!
after flying out friday night to Nashville on a 9 seated plane, going to an Andrew Peterson concert (totally unplanned, MAJOR perk!), and a 11 hour drive with Kristen and Michele (sorry again for getting us slightly off course that one time...) I am home!
i did a lot of laundry today and began the cleaning of the basement process, which is probably why i am so exhausted right now, that and because i only got like 4 hours of sleep last night...
FYI, i wish i could just throw EVERYTHING away!
anyone have a truck i can borrow?
anyone want a couple free couches, a twin bed, some kids sized jackets and snow suits, and A LOT of other stuff, like fabric, stained glass, tiles, blankets, beautiful quilts, nursing books, paint, a wooden ladder for a bunk bed...seriously, the list goes on and on and on...
where is the UHaul when you need it, and if anyone in stafford want to help, Come on over! i may be slightly out of my mind for doing this...but i know then end will justify it all!
after flying out friday night to Nashville on a 9 seated plane, going to an Andrew Peterson concert (totally unplanned, MAJOR perk!), and a 11 hour drive with Kristen and Michele (sorry again for getting us slightly off course that one time...) I am home!
i did a lot of laundry today and began the cleaning of the basement process, which is probably why i am so exhausted right now, that and because i only got like 4 hours of sleep last night...
FYI, i wish i could just throw EVERYTHING away!
anyone have a truck i can borrow?
anyone want a couple free couches, a twin bed, some kids sized jackets and snow suits, and A LOT of other stuff, like fabric, stained glass, tiles, blankets, beautiful quilts, nursing books, paint, a wooden ladder for a bunk bed...seriously, the list goes on and on and on...
where is the UHaul when you need it, and if anyone in stafford want to help, Come on over! i may be slightly out of my mind for doing this...but i know then end will justify it all!
Friday, December 11, 2009
change of plans
car is unrepairable at this current time so i will not be driving home in it...o well
found that out at 11am this morning after going to the auto parts store, so off i went back to graceville to find out what plan B could be.
and TA-DA!! after many phone calls and some price checking, the cheapest and easiest way to go home means that i get to spend some good ole Quality Time with the Amazing Michele and Kristen Marks!
a friend is going through Atlanta tomorrow and will be dropping me off at the airport where i will fly out to Nashville and then drive back to Stafford with the Marks girls.
So thats the plan, now i had to pack.
I had expected to be able to do some free laundry at home, plan change, so it was off to get quarters. 5 loads of laundry later and after making lists and cleaning and setting stuff out and making sure i have everything not only for going home but for Africa as well, i am packed and ready to go. i feel rather skilled if i do say so myself. i managed to pack summer and winter clothes and everything i need in one duffle bag and a backpack, this is a skill i attribute to my days with Global. You have trained me well old friend!
only thing i will miss about the plan to drive home myself is the part where i would get to spend time with my Brother Jimmy and Sis-in-law Sophia. ill have to somehow go see them though if i can. this week is probably going to be "Visit as many relatives as you can before you leave" week...
STILL SUPER EXCITED!! GOD IS STILL AMAZING AND FAITHFULL AND AWESOME as usual!
found that out at 11am this morning after going to the auto parts store, so off i went back to graceville to find out what plan B could be.
and TA-DA!! after many phone calls and some price checking, the cheapest and easiest way to go home means that i get to spend some good ole Quality Time with the Amazing Michele and Kristen Marks!
a friend is going through Atlanta tomorrow and will be dropping me off at the airport where i will fly out to Nashville and then drive back to Stafford with the Marks girls.
So thats the plan, now i had to pack.
I had expected to be able to do some free laundry at home, plan change, so it was off to get quarters. 5 loads of laundry later and after making lists and cleaning and setting stuff out and making sure i have everything not only for going home but for Africa as well, i am packed and ready to go. i feel rather skilled if i do say so myself. i managed to pack summer and winter clothes and everything i need in one duffle bag and a backpack, this is a skill i attribute to my days with Global. You have trained me well old friend!
only thing i will miss about the plan to drive home myself is the part where i would get to spend time with my Brother Jimmy and Sis-in-law Sophia. ill have to somehow go see them though if i can. this week is probably going to be "Visit as many relatives as you can before you leave" week...
STILL SUPER EXCITED!! GOD IS STILL AMAZING AND FAITHFULL AND AWESOME as usual!
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